Monday, February 03, 2014

all you need is less, or our foray into minimalism


Mike and I have never been big spenders or big consumers. We are frugal people. Mike works hard to provide for our family, and we work hard to stretch his income as far as it will go. But somehow we found ourselves surrounded by stuff anyway. Stuff that we thought we might need someday. Or stuff that we'd had forever and couldn't imagine living without. Or just stuff for the sake of stuff. You know how it goes.

One day we decided to get rid of some of that stuff. If we didn't need it, we donated it. If we didn't use it, we sold it. If it was broken or run down, we trashed it. We went room by room, touching everything, deciding it's fate. Now, cleaning out drawers and closets is a pretty regular part of my home keeping routine. But this time was different because the new minimalist Mike was with me (not the old, sentimental, always-prepared eagle scout Mike), so we were merciless. The goal was to get our belongings as close to the bare minimum as we could. We wanted empty drawers and bare closet shelves! We didn't quite get there, but we gave it a really good effort. The thing with minimalism, I've decided, is that it comes in waves. Sometimes we feel the urge to purge, and so we'll work hard for a while. But other times, we are content with our progress and so we'll stop thinking about it for a bit. I feel like we are in a good place right now. We are more deliberate about what we bring in to our home, and more discerning about what we need to keep.

One thing that really spurred me on was the idea that organization and hoarding are two sides of the same coin. I've always thought myself to be an organized person, but when I realized how much time and energy I spent on organizing all of this stuff that I had accumulated and probably didn't really need, I was disappointed. I decided that I'd rather go without those things than spend the time to maintain them. So I did.

For a while, Mike was really into reading minimalist blogs (like this one), but I feel like they are mostly written by single men in their 20s. It's easy to live that lifestyle when it is just one person in a small apartment. But what about our family of 6? Kids come with so much stuff. It's a constant process to keep their rooms in check. We started with a major clean out, sometimes with their help, sometimes without. I've found that the fewer options they have in the toy closet, the better they play, so I was happy to donate a lot of their toys. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, Mike had them each choose one thing from their room every night to give or throw away. It was hard for them in the beginning, but it got easier as the month went on. I think they came to see that they have so much more than they really need, so they were more willing to give some of it up.

I was really surprised one day when I went through Stella's closet with her. She was ruthless. If anything was the slightest bit uncomfortable, or if she didn't absolutely love to wear it, she was happy to let it go. I learned a lot from her that day! I had to stop myself from talking her into keeping a few things. 

Our home is not large, and our children's rooms are especially small. For instance, our girls share one tiny dresser, and their closet is the smallest in the house. But I don't think I'd have it any other way. The truth is, kids need very little, especially when it comes to clothes. And the closeness our children share because of their tight quarters is more important to their happiness than any amount of stuff anyway.

Have you ever tried something like this? What has worked for you? Like I said, we still have a ways to go, but this shift has made such a difference to the feeling in our home. Instead of working to accumulate more, we are working to increase our happiness, or to spend more time as a family, or to have more experiences. And to be happy and content with less feels really, really great.

23 comments:

  1. My niece is planning to stay with me over the summer and one of my goals is to go through ALL my stuff and to some major decluttering with her help. Good luck to us all!

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  2. We too have a growing family and a small house (3 kids and 1500 sq feet). It's hard to let go of things because I feel like we might need them if we have another baby, or if we go on a trip, or if I rearrange, or if we move and finally have room for (fill in the blank). I try to remember that sales and deals come again and that the things aren't as important as the people. Plus it's so much easier to clean and tidy with less! Thanks for the reminder. Gotta keep on keeping on!

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    1. one helpful thing we learned from Mike's reading is that most things we were keeping "just in case" could be replaced for less than $20 in less than 20 minutes. that made getting rid of stuff we thought we "might need" a lot easier.

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  3. We downsized from 2000 square feet to 1000 square feet when we moved to LA for my husband to do residency. We sold or donated bags and bags and bags of stuff, furniture, toys, etc. It was great. And we don't miss it. Thank you for this post. In a world of blogs that promote products and encourage buying more cool stuff you have to have, it is nice to be reminded that things are not important. Our families are important. You are awesome.

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  4. You know how I feel about it! Loved your post Stephanie! :) Could little Stella come over and help teenage Abbey?

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  5. Oh I love this topic! If you need a few "stuff rules" click the link:

    http://frommytippytoes.blogspot.com/2012/04/have-joy-in-your-home.html

    You have a fun blog and super cute family! And I am pretty sure I went to HS with your husband.

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  6. Several years ago--I think I had one baby or maybe two at the time--I decided on a whim to get rid of half of my clothes and shoes within a year, and I did it and have kept it up by accumulating less (love the book Overdressed: The High Cost of Cheap Fashion on this topic). A few years later, I had pretty bad postpartum depression after my third child. When he was about 6 months old I ruthlessly got rid of half of my household stuff. I filled an entire room with piles and piles and boxes and bags of giveaways (and sold some on craigslist). Storage I had kept for years and years, kitchen tools I didn't need, hand me down baby clothes I didn't want. Books and toys and bedding and throw pillows and "home decor". It was the best therapy and truly changed my life and my outlook. I can handle my stuff now, because it's a manageable amount, and I am super careful about what I bring in. I also purge regularly. It's addictive! I love paring down and am encouraging my kids to go down the same path as well with their toys and clothes. Glad you're loving it too!

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  7. Love this post! I always need a reminder and inspiration! I tend to ere on being too sentimental. But, I realize so many of my "decorations" and things like that don't really have any sentimentality…so if they don't, purge. I just filled two black bags this weekend and it is so liberating. Thanks for the encouragement. I waste so much time "cleaning" and "folding" and "organizing" it is ridiculous.

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  8. Ahh, yes. I love this post. It's so nice to see people I relate to, who are interested in the same things. As I mentioned in my email to you, that we have had two cross county moves in 2 years and I still feel like I could purge so much more. Every time I find myself organizing our "stuff", I just want to get another black bag out and fill it with things to donate. I loved your comment about almost everything bring purged could be replaced in less than 20 min for less than $20... hadn't heard that one before. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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  9. I love this. You wrote about being more minimalist before Christmas and it really stuck with me. I have a great desire to do the same. We are moving this summer (our family of 5 leaving a 2 bedroom townhouse!) and finally buying our first home, and I want to take virtually nothing with us. Empty shelves and closets it what we are going for! Thank you for sharing. You have a beautiful family, and you have really inspired me.

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  10. I love this. In a world (and quite frankly a blogosphere) that is always screaming that we need this or that, it's hard to remember that really life's necessities are quite simple. I bet your home feels so lovely and peaceful. Thanks for the inspiration and the example!

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  11. The last time I went through The Great Season Switch-a-Roo, I really tried to cut down on the number of items in my kids closets. Potty-training toddlers obviously need more pants, but the bigger kids only need a few (5?) outfits as we are constantly doing a load of laundry.

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  12. Oh goodness I loved this post. I have been a long-time-non-commenting-reader (maybe only commented twice!) and have always, ALWAYS loved your blog. So very inspiring. Thank you. I have been on a "minimalist" quest for several years and, like you, have found that it comes in waves. Which is nice really. If it was constant, I probably wouldn't have anything. :) I enjoy so much the blog becomingminimalist.com. He has a family and I feel inspired to action when reading it. His daily facebook posts are also a good reminder of what we really "need". Thanks for sharing this today. Off to clean out a closet. :)

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  13. The frugal part of me holds onto stuff in case we need it. I don't want to buy it again after I got rid of it, so until I am sure we are done having kids I keep totes in the shop. I have however, decided that if it is stained, or run down that I don't pass it down thru the kids...they only need so many "camping" outfits! I could do so much better. It is really refreshing to go through my things and toss stuff. Maybe next weekend I will do it again! Once I am sure I am done having kids we will do a big purge. Holding onto a few things for visiting baby cousins (the pack n play) and what not! I am very sentimental, so I am not sure what I would do in our play room!

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  14. Loved this post, Stephanie, and did a little purging this morning after I read it. Thanks for the inspiration! Do you have any tips on memorabilia/photos? I was cleaning out our attic and I have so many photo albums from pre-digital days. Would love to cut back on those as well as the bins of t-shirts/memorabilia from high school. It's hard though!

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  15. you know how i feel on this all too! mostly of course driven out of the pragmatics of constant international moving. i always love how toni can fit his entire wardrobe into 1 washing machine load :) all the same colours too! i can't get rid of my books though. i'm fine with having just 4 pairs of shoes (1 high heel, 1 sneaker, 1 slip-on flat, 1 nicer flat for city walking - why need more?), and not buying a stitch of maternity wear (thanks to you, ging, and katie for the hand-me downs!), but i cannot, cannot! give up all our books. the rest can all go away, and i'm happy to wear the same things now as i did 10-15 years ago, (i was ahead of the fashion curve to cinched-in waists and vintage, right? :) but don't take away my sartre or woolf! hehe.

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  16. Yes I love this, we have similar waves of minimal thinking.

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  17. Yes I love this, we have similar waves of minimal thinking.

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  18. Very well said Stephanie. Especially in the second to the last paragraph. We have seven kids in a three bedroom house, they have bunkbeds but the top bunk is vacant. Three of them ages 8, 6 and 4 prefer to share a twin bed. All our kids really do is sleep in their rooms anyway, their toys are in the familyroom. It reminds me of when my grandma grew up during the depression, life was simpler and people were actually happy. My grandma had very fond memories of her childhood.
    Thank you for encouraging me to revisit the clothing/toy situation in my own house. ;)

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  20. Trimming down is a constant effort. We spend a few years moving each year, and that really helped keep things pared down. Now that we're stationary I find that I need ruthless deep cleaning and vigilantly watching what comes into the house in the first place. Our home is happier and simpler when there's less. True story!

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  21. This was a great article- one blog you might try is zenhabits.net. I really enjoy Leo's blog and he has a wife and six children so his advice is more family driven than some. Great site!

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