because it's almost Mother's Day

Every Mother's Day for the past four years, I have taken a photo with my children on our living room step. This is the first time I've seen them all together, and oh, I love them! It is one of my favorite traditions. Look how teeny Elliot was in that first one!

Mother's Day can be tricky. I have found that what works best for me is to do everything that I normally do, while trying really hard to have gratitude in my heart for the opportunity. I have been blessed with some really wonderful kids to mother, and that is reason to celebrate! And if I get flowers or chocolate or a card on top of that, then it should be a really great day.

But here's the thing. Lately, I have been feeling under appreciated. I don't want to go into Mother's Day feeling that way. I don't ever want to feel that way. It doesn't lead to any sort of happiness, but sometimes that feeling is hard to shake. But when Sister Eubank read this quote from Eliza R. Snow in her Women's Conference address, I got the shaking I was looking for:

Sister Snow said, "We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones. In an organized capacity we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves. ... Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities."

Oh man, she just laid it all out there, didn't she? Sister Snow was a wise and strong lady, and I admire her greatly. And so I am going to do what she says and stop seeking appreciation. I have a work to do and it is really important, so I best get on with it and stop feeling sorry for myself.

And also, grow my hair back out. I need to do that, too. :)

happy weekend

We spent last weekend in the mountains, just a couple of hours away, where there was a little bit of snow. It was so beautiful! We were severely underdressed, of course, but it sure was pretty. When I look out my window today at home, the sun is shining and warm, the grass is green, and the leaves are finally falling off all of the trees. Winter in Arizona is a little backwards, but it's my favorite.

I've been trying to think of small changes I can make, shifts in my habits, to help me accomplish my new year's resolution. I've been seeking inspiration in lots of places, and found some in this little video. My favorite part is when Josh talked about how any time spent with family can be quality time. Even if we are doing something mundane or small, we can do it together. Usually, I want to get my work done and move on to something else, but involving my kids can be a sweet experience. I need to remember that. And complimenting! Josh had lots of good advice on how to compliment our children. It is so important and sometimes it can feel a little awkward for me. I definitely need to work on that.

I like the idea of having one big, broad resolution for the year, but then finding small ways that I can accomplish it every day. This is new for me and it just feels right this year.

Today I have spent the morning puttering, and new year puttering is the best. I see my home with fresh eyes. Piles that have been languishing for months finally get put away. Furniture gets rearranged. Drawers get cleared. It feels really great.

Is it snowy and cold where you are? Or sunny and bright? Whatever the weather, I hope you have a happy weekend.

a new year

This is one of my favorite quotes from Jane Austen, and is excellent advice when contemplating a New Year's resolution, I've decided. This past week found me laid up with a cold, meaning I had lots of time to listen to the guide inside of myself as I thought about what I needed to work on this year. I believe we all have that guide, a conscience, or what my church refers to as "the Light of Christ," or if we have been baptized, "the Holy Ghost" inside of us. If we pay attention, it will tell us what is right or wrong or what we need to improve upon.

All of this reminds me of a great general conference talk, "What Lack I yet?" A perfect read as we begin this fresh, new year, it teaches that small changes in our attitude or habits can help us become more like our Heavenly Father. And really, all it takes are small, manageable changes, a little at a time. In his talk, Elder Lawrence said, "The Holy Ghost doesn't tell us to improve everything at once. If He did, we would become discouraged and give up. The Spirit works with us at our own speed, one step at a time, or as the Lord has taught, 'line upon line, precept upon precept. . .'"

I'm not going to share my resolution here, at least not just yet. I am still mulling it over, thinking and listening hard as I figure out how to proceed.

Have you determined your goals? Do you have a plan? Have you listened to your guide and felt impressed to improve in one area or another? I hope so and I wish you lots of luck!

no neutral ground

Did you watch Women's Conference on Saturday? Oh, it was so great! While I'm still thinking about what I heard there, I wanted to share an article I came across on lds.org entitled, "No Neutral Ground: How Media Influences Us, by Aysia Tan.

My favorite quote is from Susanna Wesley, in 1775, to her son, John, a founder of Methodism. She so very wisely counseled, "Would you judge the lawfulness or unlawfulness of pleasure, [of the innocence of malignity of actions? Take this rule.] Whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind; that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself."

Yes! That is it! That is everything! Different media affects people differently. What Susanna Wesley would say is "sin" for me, might not be for you. But if this life is about overcoming the "natural man," then we need to recognize "whatever increases the strength and authority of [our] body over [our] mind" and stay away from it.

And this: C.S. Lewis said, "Our leisure, even our play, is a matter of serious concern. There is no neutral ground in the universe: every square inch, every split second, is claimed by God and counterclaimed by Satan."

We need to actively surround ourselves with uplifting media. The article states, "Perhaps a television show or book series we once enjoyed has declined on the morality scale but we find it hard to give up, or perhaps a new movie is particularly popular or enticing and we see no harm in watching it. However, giving in just a little makes it easier to give in a little more down the road until we have given ourselves over to indulgences from which we find it difficult to bring ourselves back. But by setting standards for ourselves to allow only wholesome media into our lives, we allow ourselves to be more receptive to the Spirit."

The takeaway for me is to be better at recognizing what things (shows or blogs or instagram accounts, even) take off my "relish of spiritual things." And then I need to make better, conscious choices about what media I allow into my brain.

I am hopeful that these quotes instigate some good discussion at Family Home Evening tonight.

Read the entire article here.

I had Oliver snap that photo of me and Stella and Elliot yesterday after church. They participated in the annual Primary Program, and did such a great job saying their parts. It's my favorite Sunday of the whole year!

identity

I love this print hanging in my girls' room. It says "He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name" from President Uchtdorff, and it goes along quite nicely with this week's Conference Report.


Have you ever been sitting in a church meeting and a speaker said exactly what you needed to hear? That happened to me at Stake Conference this weekend, although I didn't recognize it at the time. But as I have been thinking about the things I learned, one speaker's message stands out in my memory and feels like an answer to prayer.

Now that my kids are in school all day, I have struggled to find a purpose. Maybe I am being dramatic and just thinking about it too much, but I have honestly felt a little bit adrift. The message I heard during Stake Conference was to remember that above all else--before my calling as a mother and a wife, even--I am a daughter of God, and that He knows me, He knows my concerns and worries, that He loves me, and He wants to help me.

After our meetings and a really good Sunday nap, I remembered this talk from our last General Conference. As I reread it yesterday afternoon, the message I heard in Stake Conference was strengthened in my heart.

I'd like to share some of my favorite parts below:

Elder Hallstrom said, "Here on earth, we identify ourselves in many different ways, including our place of birth, our nationality, and our language. Some even identify themselves by their occupation or their hobby. These earthly identities are not wrong unless they supersede or interfere with our eternal identity--that of being a son or a daughter of God."

So if I am having a hard time identifying myself as a mother from the hours of 8am to 3pm, it is because I have placed that identity above my eternal identity of daughter of God. And in this lies my confusion or loneliness.

Elder Hallstrom continues, "In real life we face hardships. There is pain--physical, emotional, and spiritual. There are heartbreaks when circumstances are very different from what we have anticipated. There is injustice when we do not seem to deserve our situation. There are disappointments when someone we trusted failed us. There are health and financial setbacks that can be disorienting. There may be times of question when a matter of doctrine or history is beyond our current understanding.

"When difficult things occur in our lives, what is our immediate response? Is it confusion or doubt or spiritual withdrawal? Is it a blow to our faith? Do we blame God or others for our circumstances? Or is our first response to remember who we are--that we are children of a loving God? Is that coupled with an absolute trust that He allows some earthly suffering because He knows it will bless us, like a refiner's fire, to become like Him, and to gain our eternal inheritance?"

I would never liken my current situation to actual, real suffering, but this message is powerful to me nonetheless. Any confusion or uncertainty I feel in this new stage of my life can be washed away in the knowledge that I am a child of God. If I can keep that identity first and foremost in my mind, then I will find the focus that was lacking in my days.

One final message from Elder Hallstrom: "We live in a world that can cause us to forget who we really are. The more distractions that surround us, the easier it is to treat casually, then ignore, and then forget our connection with God. . . no matter where we live and no matter what our circumstances are, it is essential that our preeminent identity is as a child of God. Knowing that will allow our faith to flourish, will motivate our continual repentance, and will provide the strength to 'be steadfast and immovable' throughout our mortal journey."


Read, watch, or listen to the entire talk here.

hello again

About a year ago, I gave up my smart phone. I was having a hard time keeping it out of my hand, so I took a break from it. During that break, I did some soul searching. Did I actually need a smart phone? No. Could I really live without it? Yes! But the thing is, giving up my smart phone didn't really solve my problem. I was still looking at instagram too much, but now it was on our little iPad instead. What to do? Get rid of instagram?! Heavens! I was moments away from taking just such a drastic step when I got a chatbook in the mail. Shoot. Chatbooks are our favorite. I never ever print photos, let alone put them in a photo book, so chatbooks are the best. They take photos from your instagram and automatically send you a little book every month. My kids love them. They are the only non-digital record of our life and I wasn't ready to give that up.

And then something happened. Like the flipping of a switch, my attitude about instagram changed and I am so grateful. Instead of thinking of it as something to fill the time when I had a spare moment, I started to think of it as a place to document our family life. Period. It's always mostly been about that for me, but with a good amount of time wasting added in. Now I can post a photo, but I don't have to see how many likes it gets. I can scroll through my feed to see what my close friends and family are up to, but I don't need to follow everyone in the world (like people I knew a million years ago or people I've never even met!). I can go a day or two without looking at it, and I certainly don't have to check it right before I fall asleep every night. If I can think of it just as a place to post photos for our family record, I think I'll be ok.

But I can feel my old habits creeping back in, ever so slowly. Here's the good news: because of the long break I took from my smart phone, it is easier to recognize when I need to take a step back and put the phone down and walk away.

Some rules I made for myself: Instagram isn't on my home screen. I have to search for it. And the search function and the news tab inside of the app are off limits. The sound doesn't work on my ancient iPhone, so the new instagram stories are pretty much pointless. And that's ok with me!

The new school year always feels like a fresh start. Even though I'm alone for most of the day now (!) and no one can see if I'm wasting time on my phone or not, I know that I can be better. There is a difference in my day when I spend too much time on my phone. It makes me feel frazzled and anxious. This is a good chance to get back to some good habits.

But I have to tell you, texting is SO much easier on a smart phone. And maps! I missed those maps!

on moderation

I have to tell you that cutting added sugar and white flour out of my diet has been life changing. It's been almost two months and I have never felt so good, physically and emotionally. For the first time ever in my memory, I feel like I can eat three square meals a day. I can eat until I am full. I don't have to restrict my calories or worry that I am overeating. This might sound dramatic, but it is a big deal for me!

I still eat dessert sometimes, but only once a week or so, usually at Mike's family's big Sunday dinner. This has gotten me thinking about the idea of moderation. I know we hear about moderation all the time. As long as we practice moderation, we'll be fine, right? But what if because sugar is so prevalent in the American diet, the idea of moderation has become skewed?

President Ezra Taft Benson said in 1974, "The condition of the physical body can affect the spirit. That's why the Lord gave us the Word of Wisdom. He also said that we should retire to our beds early and arise early, that we should not run faster than we have strength, and that we should use moderation in all good things."

Well, I've decided that eating added sugar only once a week is a good idea of moderation for me.

You know what a "skinny day" feels like? When you feel confident and your clothes fit well? I used to get those days from time to time. But since I stopped eating added sugar and white flour, every day is a skinny day. I don't think I've lost any weight (I stopped weighing myself years ago), but my clothes feel better. I feel better. This is how I want to feel for the rest of my life.

Something else that might be contributing to these good feelings: Mike and I have been lifting weights this summer. I didn't think I'd like it, but I love it! We use the StrongLifts 5x5 app.


Photo from girls camp by the super talented Breanne Johnson.

baby steps

I only have time for the truly important things. . . like instagram.

The other night, I was laying in bed looking at instagram on my iPad. I love instagram, but it's the reason I gave up my smartphone. I was looking at it on my phone all the time! I was looking at it instead of reading a book, or instead of talking to my darling children. Getting rid of my smartphone helped me break the habit. For a while. Until I started looking at it on the iPad too much. Blerg.

But the other night, I realized for the first time that looking at instagram (and other social media) wasn't only making me distracted, but it was making me anxious, too. It was making me feel jumbled. I was being bombarded by pictures and information about people I didn't even know! On purpose! My brain couldn't handle it anymore. So I took instagram off my iPad. I don't know why I become so addicted to it, but I do, and now that it's not there anymore, I don't even miss it. Honest.

Can we go back to the good old days?--the days when people just lived their lives and weren't aware of what their friends or neighbors or perfect strangers were doing/buying/being. That sounds pretty great to me.

Mike has a smartphone, so I can log into my instagram account on his phone if I really feel compelled to post a picture or check to see what my family is up to.

I realize the best step would be to get rid of it all together. (There's so much garbage on it, anyway, and sometimes I wonder why I'm even letting it into my home.) I think I might be working toward that. Baby steps. . .

short hair

Here's something funny/sad: When I got home from the hairstylist last Saturday, Elliot said, "Mom, why did you cut your hair? It looks terrible."

I've forgiven him.

I've had short hair for most of my life. So going back to short hair wasn't scary. I was ready for a change. Mike totally misses my long hair, and someday I'll grow it out again for him. But for now, I'll happily sport this easy bob. I like to think of it as french gamine short, not middle aged mother short. It's all in the perception. Ha!

Speaking of hair, this article was really funny: Why Everyone on TV Has the Same Hair

happy weekend

This post is brought to you by the power of positive thinking.

This week, we watched our nieces and nephews for a few days while their parents had some time off. It went surprisingly well and I didn't feel as overwhelmed as I have when we've done this in the past. I attribute this purely to the fact that every few minutes I repeated to myself that everything was ok. That it wasn't a big deal to all of a sudden have a baby and a 3 year old again. That it was ok that everyone was still awake in bed after 9pm. That it was fun, even! And it totally worked (for the most part).

Early this morning, in the pitch darkness, I went running alone. (Mike is still in marathon-recovery mode.) I don't usually go running alone, especially not in the dark, but it was what worked today. While I was running, I remembered that I could get stuck in the "this is hard, how much longer, why am I doing this" thought loop, or I could focus my thoughts and plan my day ahead. I could use that time to think about something I am worried about. Or something important. And then the miles wouldn't feel so long anymore.

All this to say that this week, I re-learned that I am the captain of my thoughts. I can choose to use them to feel better or to feel worse. I can dwell on the hard things, or focus on the good. It's up to me. And I realize that this isn't always easy, but the choice is certainly always mine.

In lighter news, Ann Taintor gets me (minus the alcohol-related jokes, obviously). Every year, I get her new wall calendar and I die. Mike never thinks they're very funny, but oh man, I love them. This month says, "If they can send a man to the moon, I'm certain they can send a smart mouth teenager." Ha!

Happy March and happy weekend!

life without a smartphone, part three

It's almost a smartphone, it just doesn't fit in my pocket very well. Ha! Truth be told, my iPad mini (which does not function like a phone, in case this picture is misleading) and I are a little too close for comfort these days, and we could probably benefit from taking a little break from each other. So that's how life without a smartphone is going. Darn, that doesn't sound very impressive, does it? Here's what I miss: taking quick, candid photos of my kids, looking up maps on the go, and easy texting. Texting from my dumb phone is never worth it, it's such a pain. Mostly I miss the convenience of my trusty old iPhone 4. But even so, I'm glad I made the change. Truly. I'm happy when I pick up my real camera and snap photographs. I'm happy that I'm a little out of the loop, and a little harder to get ahold of. I'm happy that I don't always have my eyeballs glued to a teeny screen. But I know that I need to put the iPad away more often. It's amazing how quickly I can fall back into old habits. There is still much room for improvement. And so I am working on it. Little by little, I am mastering my devices. But knowing I can step away from them completely feels really really good.

If you are at all tempted to give up your smartphone, you have my full support. No change is permanent. If it is too inconvenient for you, you can always switch back.

It's been really refreshing for me to remember that my real life is so much more fulfilling than my online life. And living without a smartphone has helped me to see that.

Part one. Part two.

kindness begins with me

I always choose a theme for my children at the beginning of a new school year, but I had never chosen one for myself as a New Year's resolution before. As I was washing dishes the other day, thinking about what I need to do differently this new year, a theme entered my mind and I knew at once that it came from God for me personally. "Kindness Begins with Me" will be my mantra.

I know that when I am kind, I feel happy. When I serve others or when a kindness is required of me that is not convenient, that burden can feel light or it can feel heavy. It can bring me joy or it can bring me bitterness. It is up to me. When I let my natural tendencies take over and I allow myself to feel burdened by opportunities to serve, I am unhappy. So why do I let myself feel that way?! This year I am going to focus on being kind, and on being kind with the right attitude. I want more of those sweet, loving feelings that come when I serve willingly in my life this year.

I found this talk by Sister Mary N. Cook that expresses my desires well. Sister Cook says, "Our Savior taught us about and lived a benevolent life. Jesus loved all and He served all. Centering our lives on Jesus Christ will help us acquire this attribute of benevolence." About benevolence, she says, "Benevolent is a lovely word that we don't hear very often. It's roots are latin, and it means 'to wish someone well'. To be benevolent is to be kind, well-meaning, and charitable." Another way to express my theme is to choose this one word, benevolence, to focus on this year.

Sister Cook then relates the parable of the Good Samaritan, found in the New Testament, a parable with which most of us are familiar, I think. This video is a good refresher (and is what we'll be watching for Family Home Evening tonight):

Sister Cook says, "Unlike the Jewish priest and Levite who passed by the wounded man, one of their own, the Samaritan was kind regardless of differences. He demonstrated the Christ-like attribute of benevolence. Jesus taught us through this story that everyone is our neighbor."

She continues, "I promise that if you will extend yourself beyond what is easy to do, you will feel so good inside that kindness will start to become a part of your everyday life. You'll see that benevolence can bring joy and unity to your home, your class, your ward, and your school. 'Remember this: kindness begins with me'."

So what can I do in my life to increase my kindness or benevolence? Well, for starters, I can give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I can assume the best and refrain from passing judgement. I can be more liberal with my smiles. I can speak with a sweet voice, even when I'm tired or overwhelmed. I can be more generous with my time. I can send more thank you notes, for goodness sake! These are small things, but I think they can yield great results. I'll keep you posted.

Happy New Year!

for health

I followed my friend on instagram as she ran 100 miles this weekend. 100! It was amazing. The human body is a marvelous thing. I might not have run that many miles, but I am grateful for my own body, just the same. It accomplishes all that I ask of it, with strength and endurance, and I am so thankful. Lately I have felt gratitude for my health inch out all thoughts of inadequacy or negative body image, and I am thankful for that, too. It only took me 36 years, but I think I am finally comfortable in my own skin.

for inspiration and a desire to improve

Last Sunday I went visiting teaching and I haven't been able to stop thinking about the message since. It was on my mind again this morning as I worked on a pie for Sunday dinner. The message was about charity. I've always known that charity is defined as the pure love of Christ, or the love that we should have for each other, but how can I know if it is an attribute I possess? It seemed so hard to quantify. But this quote from the visiting teaching lesson from President Thomas S. Monson was like an awakening for me:

He said, "Charity is having patience with somebody who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others."

Ah! Yes, these are things I can work on. These are concrete actions I can take to become more charitable. On this first day of November and the first day of my month of gratitude, I am thankful for inspiration, specifically for direction that comes from a living prophet as I try to become more like Jesus Christ.


Another gem from President Monson and a push to participate in a month of gratitude, he said, "My brothers and sisters, do we remember to give thanks for the blessings we receive? Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, but it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God's love." That has been true in my life, and I know it can be true in yours, too.

Happy Sunday!

don't be too critical of the barrier

I believe that we have a Father in Heaven who loves us and wants the very best for us. Because of this, He has created barriers to keep us safe. This point was well illustrated by Elder Von G. Keetch in his conference talk, Blessed and Happy Are Those Who Keep the Commandments.

Elder Keetch was vacationing in Australia some time ago. While he was there, he visited a bay that was famous for its surfing. During his visit, Elder Keetch marveled at big waves crashing just outside of the bay, and smaller waves that rolled into shore. He came upon a group of American surfers who were loudly voicing their disappointment at a large barrier that stretched across the mouth of the bay and dropped to the ocean floor. The barrier made it impossible for the surfers to reach the large waves. Elder Keetch and the surfers didn't know why the barrier was necessary, and the surfers felt like it was spoiling their trip. As the surfers continued to discuss the barrier, Elder Keetch noticed an older man, a local of the area, who had overheard their complaints. After some time, this local man approached the group and pulled out binoculars. Elder Keetch and each of the surfers took a turn studying the barrier with the help of the binoculars. And do you know what they saw? Sharks! There were sharks just on the other side of the barrier, feeding on the reef. Elder Keetch and the surfers were subdued. The local man turned to walk away, and as he did so, he said, "Don't be too critical of the barrier. It's the only thing that's keeping you from being devoured."

Elder Keetch said, "As we stood on that beautiful beach, our perspective had suddenly changed. A barrier that had seemed rigid and restrictive--that seemed to curtail the fun and excitement of riding the really big waves--had become something very different. With our new understanding of the danger that lurked just below the surface, the barrier now offered protection, safety, and peace."

I feel the same way about the standards God has asked me to follow. I have faith in His divine direction, and I know that because I have a very limited knowledge of the dangers, if I follow the course He has set, I will be safe.

Read, watch, or listen to the entire talk here.

p.s. I'm not sure why it took me so long to figure this out, but I've started using these Monday posts for our Family Home Evening lessons. Tonight we'll sing Keep the Commandments, and use 1 Nephi 3:7 as our scripture to ponderize for the week, if you need an idea.

answers will come

Mike and I have been seeking an answer to something important, so when I heard Elder James B. Martino's talk at Conference entitled, "Turn to Him and Answers Will Come," my ears perked up. He begins by telling about his conversion. When he first read the Book of Mormon, he prayed to know if it was true, but because he was lacking real intent and was praying more out of curiosity, the answer did not come. So we must understand that if it is revelation we are seeking, we need to start with a sincere heart.

In the Book of Mormon, we can find the stories of two groups of brothers. Both groups were raised by righteous parents in the gospel and both rebelled. Their stories help to illustrate the advice of Elder Martino.

When wicked Laman and Lemuel were unable to understand the words of their father, prophet Lehi, they complained to their righteous brother, Nephi. Nephi asked them if they had prayed about it. Of course they hadn't. What Nephi says next is important. He says, "How is it that ye do not keep the commandments of the Lord? Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said?--If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things [will] be made known unto you." (1 Nephi 15:10-11) I can't expect God to answer my prayers if I am not doing the things He has asked me to do. Keeping the commandments is key, and is the first thing Elder Martino tells us we must do.

Second is scripture study. The other group of brothers from the Book of Mormon that Elder Martino mentions are the sons of Mosiah. Unlike Laman and Lemuel, after they rebelled, they changed their ways and became incredible missionaries. But when they started their mission, things were not going well for them. The scriptures say that their "hearts were depressed, and [they] were about to turn back." (Alma 26:27) But why were these men able to continue in faith? Because they "had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God." (Alma 17:2) I know that if I study my scriptures everyday, I will be more open to revelation. Now that I don't have a smartphone anymore, I've been reading from my old paper scriptures. This has made a surprising difference in how well I am able to concentrate. I feel like I am really studying and not just reading.

Third is prayer and fasting. Not only were the sons of Mosiah studying their scriptures, but "they had given themselves to much prayer, and fasting; therefore, they had the spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation." (Alma 17:3) Elder Martino simply says, "Prayer and fasting will allow us to be susceptible to spiritual promptings. Communicating with Heavenly Father while abstaining from food and drink allows us to "loose the bands of wickedness and to undo the heavy burdens" (Isaiah 58:6), opening us up to promptings.  I have seen this in my own life. When I add fasting to my prayers, I feel the answers come more easily.

Elder Martino says, "These personal religious habits--obedience, scripture study, prayer, and fasting--strengthened the sons of Mosiah. The lack of these same personal religious habits was a major reason that Laman and Lemuel were left vulnerable to the temptation to murmur and doubt."

I know that answers don't always come as an event. More often, they are a process. If I turn to Him by embracing these personal religious habits, then my faith will increase and the answers I am seeking will come. It has happened many times in my life and I know that it will continue.

Read, watch, or listen to the whole talk here.

in which I give up my smart phone and take back my life

I've known things have needed to change for a while. Any time I had a free second, my first instinct was to grab my phone and disappear. Too many times when my children asked me a question, I answered without taking my eyes from the screen. Or I didn't answer as kindly as I could have because I felt like they were interrupting me. Interrupting me from my instagram! I realize how ridiculous this sounds. But as much as I tried to manage it, it wasn't working. I wasn't getting any better at being present.

Also, Mabel keeps asking for an iPhone and I keep telling her no (as mine is glued to my hand). It just didn't feel right or fair.

So when my friend, Annie, told me she traded in her iPhone for a more basic model, it was like the heavens parted and my answer was clear. I could ditch my smart phone! All of a sudden I felt free. A burden was lifted off my shoulders and my future looked bright. I didn't have to be tied to a phone anymore. I could just get rid of it. Simple as that! I had somehow survived before I had a smartphone, right? Mike was very supportive.

So I did it. You're looking at my new phone right there. It's like turning back the clock to 2010. It's great for making calls and answering texts.  And it's blissfully instagram and Facebook and internet free. My kids think it's super cool. All of those fun little buttons! Ha!

Full disclosure: We still have an iPad mini, so I can check in with instagram from time to time. But the idea is that an iPad is a lot less convenient to carry around all day. So far that has been true, and I have been happier and more content and more "here". It's funny how once you give something up, you realize you don't even miss it.

What I've realized most of all, though, is that it's never too late to make a change for the better. If I do this now, my kids probably won't remember the mom who was addicted to her phone. They say the best time to plant a tree is either 20 years ago or today. I can't change what I've done in the past, but I can certainly decide to make better choices today.

on happiness and swimming

One of my big takeaways from the book, The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin, was to think of things that made me happy as a child, and to try to incorporate more of them into my life as an adult. From the time I was 10 until the end of high school, I was on a swim team. It was something I really liked. (Not the racing, though. Just the thought of stepping on the block and waiting for the gun to go off turns my stomach.) I liked the repetitive nature of swimming laps. I liked being in my own little world, with minimal distractions. It was just me, my foggy goggles, and the water. I realized I missed it. I went back to swimming laps a few times last fall, but I am more committed now.

So once a week, you can find me at the pool. I get there in the dark, and as I swim back and forth, over and over, the sky gradually lightens. When I head home, there is a bounce in my step, a clearness in my mind, and a weariness in my muscles that feels really refreshing.

It is easy to forget about these things that used to be part of me in the midst of having and raising babies. And that's ok, I think. There is a time and a season for everything, you know? I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I can pick up some hobbies or activities that I had left behind. And Gretchen was right, doing these things that used to make me happy still does.

self-help book report 3

I'm not usually drawn to the self-help variety of book, but I've read three books this summer that sort of fall into that category and I thought a book report was in order.

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin is a very in-depth look at one woman's search for greater happiness. Ms. Rubin created a twelve month long experiment for herself. Each month, she focused on a different aspect of her life and set measurable goals which she marked off on a spreadsheet. One month she focused on finding more happiness in her marriage, another month it was in her professional life, etc.

I'm glad I read it, but I admit to skimming a lot of it. I really loved her honesty. She put herself out there, faults and all, which was refreshing. I felt like I could read about her experience and learn from it, without having to go through my own year long experiment. I really liked that she didn't want to change her life, she just wanted to feel happier in the midst of it. I can relate to that.

It turns out that it is the little things that add up to a happier life, which is something I've believed all along. And deciding to be happier almost always leads to being happier. It made me take a look at my own life and decide that I could probably stand to be a little more cheerful at home, more selfless, and more giving. That holding my tongue is usually a happier way to live, and giving others the benefit of the doubt will improve my outlook. Making small changes in these areas can make for quite a bit more happiness overall.

Have you read it? What did you think?

keep on trying

I've been privy to some unfair judgments, unsupportive attitudes, and critical comments directed towards others from women whom I love and admire lately. These are natural tendencies we all have and have all been guilty of, I think. But they've come from some surprising sources and in great amounts and have been really weighing me down. Yesterday, as I finished up the last of the camp decorations, I felt inspired to listen to Elder Dale G. Renlund's talk, "Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying." It turns out, it was exactly what I needed to hear, but not what I thought I needed to hear. Funny how that happens.

Nelson Mandela famously said, "I'm no saint--that is, unless you think a saint is someone who keeps on trying." What an encouraging statement! I am definitely not perfect, and yet I call myself a Latter-day Saint. This doesn't mean that I think I've reached some sort of exalted state. In fact, it is just the opposite. It means that I am very much mortal, but that I am hopefully seeking to become better.

Elder Renlund says, "Our theology [teaches us] that we may be perfected by repeatedly and iteratively 'relying wholly upon' the doctrine of Christ: exercising faith in Him, repenting, partaking of the sacrament to renew the covenants and blessings of baptism, and receiving the Holy Ghost as a constant companion to a greater degree. As we do so, we become more like Christ and are able to endure to the end, with all that that entails. In less formal terms, God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying."

Because of Christ's Atonement and God's mercy, we can be changed. If we keep on trying, we can become better.

President Monson taught, "One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final." Elder Renlund continues, "Even if we've been a conscious, deliberate sinner or have repeatedly faced failure and disappointment, the moment we decide to try again, the Atonement of Christ can help us. And we need to remember that it is not the Holy Ghost that tells us we're so far gone that we might as well give up."

But this is the part that hit me: He says, "Just as God rejoices when we persevere, He is disappointed if we do not recognize that others are trying, too." As a South African sister said, "The Church is like a big hospital, and we are all sick in our own way. We come to church to be helped."

Elder Renlund continues, "We must not only be tolerant while others work on their individual illnesses; we must also be kind, patient, supportive, and understanding. As God encourages us to keep on trying, He expects us to allow others the space to do the same, at their own pace. The Atonement will come into our lives in even greater measure. We will then recognize that regardless of perceived differences, all of us are in need of the same infinite Atonement."

All this time I have been unfairly expecting the women I've been working with to be perfect, while assuming they will be understanding of my own imperfections. I haven't been allowing them the space they need to work on their own illnesses. Ah! What an epiphany! This is what I have learned: I need to be patient with other's efforts, and respectful of their place on their individual road to perfection. And hopefully they will be patient and respectful of mine, too. And oh, how this lesson can be applied to my relationship with my husband and children! Maybe this is the real lesson I need to learn from all of this. Am I expecting perfection when they are trying their best?

Let's all have a good week, ok? Let's give each other the benefit of the doubt, and a little more kindness than we think we deserve. We're all on this journey together, aren't we?


Read, watch, or listen to the entire talk here.