identity

I love this print hanging in my girls' room. It says "He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name" from President Uchtdorff, and it goes along quite nicely with this week's Conference Report.


Have you ever been sitting in a church meeting and a speaker said exactly what you needed to hear? That happened to me at Stake Conference this weekend, although I didn't recognize it at the time. But as I have been thinking about the things I learned, one speaker's message stands out in my memory and feels like an answer to prayer.

Now that my kids are in school all day, I have struggled to find a purpose. Maybe I am being dramatic and just thinking about it too much, but I have honestly felt a little bit adrift. The message I heard during Stake Conference was to remember that above all else--before my calling as a mother and a wife, even--I am a daughter of God, and that He knows me, He knows my concerns and worries, that He loves me, and He wants to help me.

After our meetings and a really good Sunday nap, I remembered this talk from our last General Conference. As I reread it yesterday afternoon, the message I heard in Stake Conference was strengthened in my heart.

I'd like to share some of my favorite parts below:

Elder Hallstrom said, "Here on earth, we identify ourselves in many different ways, including our place of birth, our nationality, and our language. Some even identify themselves by their occupation or their hobby. These earthly identities are not wrong unless they supersede or interfere with our eternal identity--that of being a son or a daughter of God."

So if I am having a hard time identifying myself as a mother from the hours of 8am to 3pm, it is because I have placed that identity above my eternal identity of daughter of God. And in this lies my confusion or loneliness.

Elder Hallstrom continues, "In real life we face hardships. There is pain--physical, emotional, and spiritual. There are heartbreaks when circumstances are very different from what we have anticipated. There is injustice when we do not seem to deserve our situation. There are disappointments when someone we trusted failed us. There are health and financial setbacks that can be disorienting. There may be times of question when a matter of doctrine or history is beyond our current understanding.

"When difficult things occur in our lives, what is our immediate response? Is it confusion or doubt or spiritual withdrawal? Is it a blow to our faith? Do we blame God or others for our circumstances? Or is our first response to remember who we are--that we are children of a loving God? Is that coupled with an absolute trust that He allows some earthly suffering because He knows it will bless us, like a refiner's fire, to become like Him, and to gain our eternal inheritance?"

I would never liken my current situation to actual, real suffering, but this message is powerful to me nonetheless. Any confusion or uncertainty I feel in this new stage of my life can be washed away in the knowledge that I am a child of God. If I can keep that identity first and foremost in my mind, then I will find the focus that was lacking in my days.

One final message from Elder Hallstrom: "We live in a world that can cause us to forget who we really are. The more distractions that surround us, the easier it is to treat casually, then ignore, and then forget our connection with God. . . no matter where we live and no matter what our circumstances are, it is essential that our preeminent identity is as a child of God. Knowing that will allow our faith to flourish, will motivate our continual repentance, and will provide the strength to 'be steadfast and immovable' throughout our mortal journey."


Read, watch, or listen to the entire talk here.

happy weekend

I need more of this in my life. Our afternoons are quickly filling up with things like piano and choir and homework. I try to limit our activities, but we somehow end up feeling too busy anyway. Thank goodness it's Friday. Lots of downtime is just what our family needs right now.

In fact, Elliot is home sick from school today, and I am kind of glad he gets to take it easy. First grade is really wearing him out!

As I have been trying to figure out this new stage of my life, this little video was good reminder to focus on what matters most, and maybe to slow down a little, too. The difficulty of this transition has taken me by surprise. I thought I'd feel fancy free, but I mostly feel a little lost. After 14 years of caring for small children all day, having them gone at school has thrown me for a loop. I am trying to find the balance between using all of this time wisely while still feeling like I have a purpose. Last week involved lots of house cleaning. This week I spent a lot of time making dinner. But I don't want to spend all of my time doing either one of those things. I think I am slowly finding a routine, and that feels good.

Anyway, are you having good tv withdrawals now that the Olympics are over? Don't worry, Poldark Season Two starts soon. Hooray!

It's my birthday tomorrow, and even though Mike will be at school and church meetings all day, I am going to make it a good one. I have grand plans for elaborate chores the children can do for me to celebrate. Things like cutting up the branches I trimmed out of the orange trees this week and baking me a cheesecake. :)

Have a happy weekend!

falafel

Truth: Falafel in Paris is a lot prettier than falafel in Mesa.

Mabel has been sending me recipes, mostly vegetarian dinner ideas, which is the best! Deciding what to make is always the hardest part about cooking for me. This week, we tried falafel. Mike and I had the best falafel in Paris, which we ate in the most beautiful garden. What I made last night doesn't even come close, but it was still pretty good and I think I'll add it to our regular dinner rotation.

I used Sean's Falafel and Cucumber Sauce from allrecipes.com, but I'll post it here, too.

for the sauce:

6 oz plain yogurt
half of a cucumber, peeled, seeded, and finely diced
1 teaspoon dried dill weed
salt and pepper to taste
1 tablespoon mayonnaise

Mix all together, then chill for at least 30 minutes.

for the falafel:

1 15 oz can garbanzo beans, drained (Or, I used 2 cups of cooked lentils instead.)
1 onion, chopped
1/2 cup fresh parsley
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 egg
2 teaspoons cumin
1 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon salt
dash pepper
pinch cayenne
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup dry bread crumbs (or about one cup of whole wheat flour)
oil for frying

Mash the beans or lentils. In a food processor, blend the onion, parsley, and garlic until it's smooth. Add to the mashed beans/lentils.

In another bowl, mix the egg, cumin, coriander, salt, pepper, cayenne, lemon juice, and baking powder. Add to the bean/lentil mash along with the oil. Mix in the bread crumbs (or flour) a little at a time until it's the consistency you want. The original recipe says you should be able to form balls, which you will then flatten into patties. Mine never reached that point, and I didn't want to add too much flour, so I left it at about thick pancake batter level.

Heat some oil for frying (cover the bottom of your pan generously). I used my cookie scoop and scooped the mixture into the hot oil, one scoop per patty. Cook until golden brown and then flip and repeat. This made about 25 small patties (enough for our family of 6 plus leftovers for Mike's lunch today).

I fried mine early in the day, then stuck them on a cookie sheet in the fridge until we got home hungry from piano lessons at dinner time. I broiled them for a minute to warm them up and we were good to go.

Serve wrapped up in a nice warm piece of naan, with the cucumber sauce, sliced red onions and tomatoes.

And then pretend that you are wandering around secret gardens in Le Marais. :)

(Full disclosure: Oliver didn't like it.)

in favor of bed making

Do you make your bed everyday? The admiral in this video claims that if you want to change the world, you need to start by making your bed. I've never thought about it that way, but I'm with him!

fishing

One of my favorite paragraphs from The Family: A Proclamation to the World says, "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." I thought it was interesting that in Dr. Sax's book, The Collapse of Parenting, he talked about how important it is to have fun with your kids, too.

With that in mind, when Elliot asked to go fishing Friday night right before bedtime, we said okay.

Elliot has only been fishing a few times in his life, and he has caught a fish almost every time. So we are either giving him completely unrealistic expectations, or he is just really lucky.

The whole outing only took about half an hour that night, but the time we spent there on the canal as a family is something I'll always remember. I know that wholesome recreational activities can bind us together and promote a family culture that makes us stronger, happier, and more committed to each other. 

happy weekend

Today marks the end of the first full week of school. I'm pretty sure we're all wiped. I've been making my way through my list of long-neglected chores. Things like wiping down the walls, cleaning out the little office off our kitchen, and giving everything a thorough dusting. (Dusting is the chore I skip most regularly, especially in the summer.) Mike and the kids have been busy expanding their minds and learning all sorts of new things, I'm sure. I think we're all ready to relax this weekend.

Two no sugar recipes we tried and loved this week: Chunky Monkey Breakfast Bake and No Sugar Added Banana Bread. For the breakfast bake: I quadrupled it to feed all four of my kids, subbed regular milk for the almond milk and peanut butter for the almond butter in the sauce (Mabel is allergic to tree nuts.), left out the maple syrup, added a tablespoon of coconut oil, and used just a few dark chocolate chips. For the banana bread: I left out the walnuts and next time I make it, I might add a pinch more salt. The bread really hit the spot (and uses a whopping 6 bananas!). It has almost the same texture as our old favorite banana bread, but none of the added sugar. It'd really be best with the walnuts called for in the recipe, but we don't want Mabel's throat to close up, so what are you going to do? But as good as these were, they mostly just reminded me of the chapter in Year of No Sugar called "Everything Tastes Like Bananas and Dates." Ha!

I know this feeling is fleeting, but I've actually been excited to pack lunches in the morning. I am challenging myself to do it with no added sugar or white flour. So far so good. We couldn't have made it without hard boiled eggs, the really sweet watermelon I picked up at Fry's, and Lara Bars. Those have been a big hit. Other things I've put in their lunches this week: tuna sandwiches on homemade buns for the boys (our mayo has sugar in it, but I've decided to let condiments go), unsweetened plain yogurt with raspberries and grape nuts, and these sesame and sea salt crackers for something crunchy. For school lunches, I try to stick to the one part sandwich, one part fruit, one part crunchy rule, maybe with a few extras thrown in.

Have a happy weekend!

book review: Year of No Sugar

I related to so much of what Eve Schaub wrote in her memoir, Year of No Sugar. She is funny and smart and real, and her book was a pleasure to read. This memoir follows her family through their "year of no sugar." For one year, they avoided all added sugar, specifically, anything with fructose in it (aside from whole fruit). That means no table sugar, no corn syrup, no honey, no molasses, no agave, no evaporated cane syrup, no maple syrup, no artificial sweeteners, and no fruit juice. She writes about the science behind her decision in a way that is easy to understand. And then she relates their experiences (sometimes funny, sometimes tragic) as they navigated this culture which is so saturated with sugar.

Her family had a few rules for their experiment: Every month, as a family, they chose one sugar treat (like a birthday cake, or a favorite seasonal pie). Each family member had one exception (jam for her girls, diet soda for her husband, and white wine for herself). And they instituted the "birthday party rule", which was that when her children were at school or at a party without parents, they were able to choose for themselves whether or not they ate any sugar.

She talks about how hard it is to eat out, and how making almost everything from scratch is sometimes the best way to avoid added sugar. And she describes how after you haven't had sugar for a long time, your body doesn't want the sugar even though your brain still does. It's a weird conundrum-- your brain wants all of the comfort and good feelings our culture assigns to treats, but your body no longer knows how to deal with it. I've seen that in my life, too. I so look forward to my weekly treat at Sunday dinner, but it inevitably gives me an immediate headache and makes me feel yucky. I also love that she addresses the fact that choosing to not eat sugar is totally a first world problem. Sometimes I feel so silly thinking about food so much, when really, I should just be grateful that I have food to eat!

Anyway, this is a great book to read if you are at all considering reducing the amount of sugar your family eats. While I am not about to embark on a project like this, Ms. Schaub and I have kind of come to the same conclusions: We will avoid added sugar whenever possible, but we aren't going to obsess over it.

The only thing I didn't really like about the book is that the author started substituting powdered dextrose for the sugar in her baking. While dextrose doesn't contain fructose, this still sort of felt like cheating to me. I'm not even sure what dextrose is, but I'd rather just not have the baked goods, you know?

hello again

About a year ago, I gave up my smart phone. I was having a hard time keeping it out of my hand, so I took a break from it. During that break, I did some soul searching. Did I actually need a smart phone? No. Could I really live without it? Yes! But the thing is, giving up my smart phone didn't really solve my problem. I was still looking at instagram too much, but now it was on our little iPad instead. What to do? Get rid of instagram?! Heavens! I was moments away from taking just such a drastic step when I got a chatbook in the mail. Shoot. Chatbooks are our favorite. I never ever print photos, let alone put them in a photo book, so chatbooks are the best. They take photos from your instagram and automatically send you a little book every month. My kids love them. They are the only non-digital record of our life and I wasn't ready to give that up.

And then something happened. Like the flipping of a switch, my attitude about instagram changed and I am so grateful. Instead of thinking of it as something to fill the time when I had a spare moment, I started to think of it as a place to document our family life. Period. It's always mostly been about that for me, but with a good amount of time wasting added in. Now I can post a photo, but I don't have to see how many likes it gets. I can scroll through my feed to see what my close friends and family are up to, but I don't need to follow everyone in the world (like people I knew a million years ago or people I've never even met!). I can go a day or two without looking at it, and I certainly don't have to check it right before I fall asleep every night. If I can think of it just as a place to post photos for our family record, I think I'll be ok.

But I can feel my old habits creeping back in, ever so slowly. Here's the good news: because of the long break I took from my smart phone, it is easier to recognize when I need to take a step back and put the phone down and walk away.

Some rules I made for myself: Instagram isn't on my home screen. I have to search for it. And the search function and the news tab inside of the app are off limits. The sound doesn't work on my ancient iPhone, so the new instagram stories are pretty much pointless. And that's ok with me!

The new school year always feels like a fresh start. Even though I'm alone for most of the day now (!) and no one can see if I'm wasting time on my phone or not, I know that I can be better. There is a difference in my day when I spend too much time on my phone. It makes me feel frazzled and anxious. This is a good chance to get back to some good habits.

But I have to tell you, texting is SO much easier on a smart phone. And maps! I missed those maps!

kindness

We don't put a lot of emphasis on a school year theme at our house, but I like to choose one, anyway. It's nice to have it plastered on the door to the garage so we see it a million times a day. I hope that even though we don't talk a lot about it, the messages we have chosen each year are making an impact on our children.

This year's theme is "kindness begins with me." I chose this as my own personal New Year's resolution (I wrote a post about it here), and now I want to extend it to the rest of my family. My children are bright. I don't worry about their academic success, but I do worry about their quality of their characters. More than smart children, I want kind children. And so, this year, every time we step into the kitchen, we will see the words "kindness begins with me" staring back at us.

Stella is going to teach our family home evening lesson about the parable of the Good Samaritan tonight. I think it will be a good introduction to our theme.

I will share this quote from our previous prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley: "There is no end to the good we can do, to the influence we can have with others. Let us not dwell on the critical or the negative. Let us pray for strength; let us pray for capacity and desire to assist others. Let us radiate the light of the gospel at all times and in all places, that the Spirit of the Redeemer may radiate from us."

It's easy to get caught up in our own stuff--our own fears, our own responsibilities, our own desires, etc. I want my children to look beyond their small selves and see people around them who might need help, or a smile, or a kind word. I know that when I make a greater effort to do this myself, I am happier. Those fears and heavy responsibilities fade. My desires become less important. I am more content and more at peace. I want this for my children, too.


Quote from President Hinckley's talk here.

happy weekend

Well, we are three days into the new school year and I have to be honest, I feel a little out of sorts. I didn't expect to feel this way! I'm a little lost. The good news is that my house is really clean. The bad news is that I've spent the past two days doing nothing but cleaning. I don't want to spend all my time cleaning. Time to reread this post, I guess.

Here's the school report: Mabel says high school is a glorified eighth grade and is underwhelming. Phew! Oliver's bus leaves later than last year, giving him about half an hour more sleep in the mornings. In classic Stella fashion, she says things are "great." And Elliot is really, really tired. Good thing tomorrow is the weekend and he can rest up.

My kids are dying to see Pete's Dragon this weekend, but I kind of just want to veg in front of the olympics. Doesn't that sound nice?

Here's something good: Rubygirl.org. My sister introduced me to it. It's a wonderful, uplifting, and positive place for girls (and women, too!). From their site, Rubygirl is a place where "young women from all over the world gather to exchange ideas, work through problems, share faith, and build friendships. . . We hope to encourage writing as a tool for spiritual, personal, and emotional development." I subscribed Mabel to their feed. She spends a lot of time online, and Rubygirl seems like a better place to browse than pinterest, you know?

Have a happy one!

Who would you most like to have dinner with?

I know this is just a commercial, but I thought the message was powerful and sweet. It made me really grateful for the opportunity to sit with my kids around the dinner table almost every night, and a little more willing to cook that blasted dinner, too.

here we go!

Oliver left first, bright and early this morning. Because he is now in 6th grade, he will have an extra hour of instruction in the afternoon, so it will be a longer day than he is used to. Other than that, he is at the same school with the same friends as he has been for the past two years. He attends a public school in our district with a more rigorous academic curriculum than our regular neighborhood school. He is doing well there and I am grateful for that option.

There were a little more jitters in our second group. Mabel is off to high school! She will be a third generation Warrior, as she gets to attend the same high school that Mike and his mom both attended, where she will be doing the International Baccalaureate program. She is nervous, but I know she'll do great. She is bright and kind and so capable. She is excited to be out of uniforms, but of course that led to a little outfit stress this morning. Ha!

Elliot will be in all day first grade, much to his chagrin. I know he'll love it once he's there (he is especially excited to eat lunch in the cafeteria), but he thinks that all day is going to feel really long. It probably will. I sense an extra early bedtime tonight.

And Stella is ready in her cat pants to take on third grade!

Hooray!

Mike's first day

Today is a big day. Mike went back to school! After thirteen years of being a small business owner, he is getting his MBA. He has always wanted to do this, and the timing finally felt right (even though we feel really old!). Here's a serendipitous coincidence: He decided to apply and was accepted the year ASU's WP Carey School of Business decided to offer full tuition scholarships to every full time student. The competition for admittance was understandably a little more intense because of the scholarship and I am so proud of him for making it (and not one bit surprised). Mike is one of the smartest people I know, and one of the most driven, too. His ability to work hard to achieve his goals is one of his most admirable qualities. I can't wait to hear all about his first day when he gets home tonight!

happy weekend

It has been monsoony all week, which makes for really pretty pink streets after the rain. And lots of humidity, too. The overcast skies that come with the storms are always such a nice change from the searing red hot burning sun we get every other day, though. Can you tell I'm over summer yet? Sheesh. I walked into Joann's yesterday and they had their fall decorations out and I very nearly swooned.

The countdown is on! Only three more days until Mike starts school and 5 days until the kids start. What am I going to do with myself all day everyday, you ask? Whatever I feel like doing, that's what. Ha! Actually, I'm going to try to be very deliberate about how I spend my days. And I'll probably miss everyone more than I think I will. But think of all the time I'll have! Hopefully I'll be able to do more sewing to help supplement our income while Mike is in school. And maybe swim more. And definitely take more naps. . .

I have a feeling that once Mike is gone all day, I will realize that I didn't appreciate how much he was home this summer. Who will fix the internet if it's being slow!? Or run with me to the grocery store real quick? We'll have to make the most of this weekend, I guess. Like, by watching the Olympics. Hooray! The opening ceremonies are tonight. I am so excited. Do you watch the olympics? I have so many great memories of watching them with my family as a child. I want that for my family, too, so you'll find us glued to the tv for the next two weeks. For all things olympic, go here.

Have a good weekend!

saying no to screens

The other day Elliot was begging and begging to watch a show on the iPad. I said no. And no. And no. And guess what? He didn't die. :) Actually, just a few minutes after his hopes of screen time were dashed, I found him on the kitchen floor happily making a welcome home banner for our girls who had been in Utah, all by himself, completely of his own accord. And then I knew that I needed to write this down so that next time he begs for a show, I can remember that saying no isn't the end of the world and that most likely, within moments, he will have found something (usually much more creative) to do with himself. I know this. But sometimes it's easy to forget.

Sort of related: I am back to using my iPhone. I need to tell you all about it.