baby steps

I only have time for the truly important things. . . like instagram.

The other night, I was laying in bed looking at instagram on my iPad. I love instagram, but it's the reason I gave up my smartphone. I was looking at it on my phone all the time! I was looking at it instead of reading a book, or instead of talking to my darling children. Getting rid of my smartphone helped me break the habit. For a while. Until I started looking at it on the iPad too much. Blerg.

But the other night, I realized for the first time that looking at instagram (and other social media) wasn't only making me distracted, but it was making me anxious, too. It was making me feel jumbled. I was being bombarded by pictures and information about people I didn't even know! On purpose! My brain couldn't handle it anymore. So I took instagram off my iPad. I don't know why I become so addicted to it, but I do, and now that it's not there anymore, I don't even miss it. Honest.

Can we go back to the good old days?--the days when people just lived their lives and weren't aware of what their friends or neighbors or perfect strangers were doing/buying/being. That sounds pretty great to me.

Mike has a smartphone, so I can log into my instagram account on his phone if I really feel compelled to post a picture or check to see what my family is up to.

I realize the best step would be to get rid of it all together. (There's so much garbage on it, anyway, and sometimes I wonder why I'm even letting it into my home.) I think I might be working toward that. Baby steps. . .

He will carry you home.

Yesterday was one of those good Sundays, the kind where after a morning spent at church, I was able to plan my upcoming week, study a conference talk, and take a really long nap. It felt really great.

It's been a while since I've posted a conference report, but I am here today with President Uchtdorf's most recent conference address, He Will Place You on His Shoulders and Carry You Home. I don't feel particularly lost at the moment, but this talk touched me just the same.

President Uchtdorf begins by sharing the story of the beautiful Frauenkirche, a Lutheran church in Dresden, Germany. This church, which was first built in the 1700s, was completely destroyed during World War II, but had been rebuilt, incorporating blackened stones from the original structure.

Likening this to each of us, President Uchtdorf said, "If man can take the ruins, rubble, and remains of a broken city and rebuild an awe-inspiring structure that rises toward the heavens, how much more capable is our Almighty Father to restore His children who have fallen, struggled, or become lost? It matters not how completely ruined our lives may seem. It matters not how scarlet our sins, how deep our bitterness, how lonely, abandoned, or broken our hearts may be. Even those who are without hope, who live in despair, who have betrayed trust, surrendered their integrity, or turned away from God can be rebuilt. . . there is no life so shattered that it cannot be restored."

I think we are all familiar with the parable of the lost sheep. Usually it is referenced when we are learning how to reach out to those who are lost, but President Uchtdorf uses it to teach us about the Good Shepherd.

He said, "Is it possible that the Savior's message was that God is fully aware of those who are lost--and that He will find them, that He will reach out to them, and that He will rescue them?

"If that is so, what must the sheep do to qualify for this divine help? Does the sheep need to know how to use a complicated sextant to calculate its coordinates? Does it need to be able to use a GPS to define its position? Does it have to have the expertise to create an app that will call for help? Does the sheep need endorsements by a sponsor before the Good Shepherd will come to the rescue?

"No. Certainly not! The sheep is worthy of divine rescue simply because it is loved by the Good Shepherd. To me, the parable of the lost sheep is one of the most hopeful passages in all of scripture. Our Savior, the Good Shepherd, knows and loves us. He knows and loves you. He knows when you are lost, and He knows where you are. He knows your grief. Your silent pleadings. Your fears. Your tears. It matters not how you became lost--whether because of your own poor choices or because of circumstances beyond your control.

"What matters is that you are His child. And He loves you. He loves His children."

But what must we do in order to be found? We must turn to Him. That's all He requires of us. Elder Uchtdorf assures us, "It requires a little faith. But do not despair. If you cannot muster faith right now, begin with hope. If you cannot say you know God is there, you can hope that He is. You can desire to believe. That is enough to start."

Then comes obedience. He continues, "You and I may speak most eloquently of spiritual things. We may impress people with our keen intellectual interpretation of religious topics. We may rhapsodize about religion and 'dream of [our] mansion above.' But if our faith does not change the way we live--if our beliefs do not influence our daily decision--our religion is vain, and our faith, if not dead, is certainly not well and is in danger of eventually flatlining. Obedience is the lifeblood of faith. It is by obedience that we gather light into our souls."

But sometimes obedience gets a bad wrap. It is not an end unto itself. It is not meant to force us into submission. Instead, President Uchtdorf says, "Maybe obedience is not so much the process of bending, twisting, and pounding our souls into something we are not. Instead, it is the process by which we discover what we truly are made of. . . The moment we choose to incline our hearts to our beloved Savior and set foot upon the path of discipleship, something miraculous happens. The love of God fills our hearts, the light of truth fills our minds, we start to lose the desire to sin, and we do not want to walk any longer in darkness. We come to see obedience not as a punishment but as a liberating path to our divine destiny."

We are all worthy of rescue. There have been times in my life when I have felt lost, and there will be those times again. But President Uchtdorf gives us this promise: "You may feel that your life is in ruins. You may have sinned. You may be afraid, angry, grieving, or tortured by doubt. But just as the Good Shepherd finds His lost sheep, if you will only lift up your heart to the Savior of the world, He will find you. He will rescue you. He will lift you up and place you on His shoulders. He will carry you home.

"If mortal hands can transform rubble and ruins into a beautiful house of worship, then we can have confidence and trust that our loving Heavenly Father can and will rebuild us. His plan is to build us into something far greater than what we were--far greater than what we can ever imagine. With each step of faith on the path of discipleship, we grow into the beings of eternal glory and infinite joy we were designed to become."


Read, watch, or listen to the entire talk here. (although I pretty much just quoted the entire thing, sorry about that! :))

Beautiful print of a painting by Beth Allen available here.

happy weekend

Does anyone read blogs during the summer? Or ever anymore? Sometimes I wonder. But I realized long, long ago, that recording my life here was for me and not for anyone else. And so, two weeks into our summer vacation, I thought it was time for a little update.

Last week, I babysat my four nieces and nephews (for a few days by myself, even, while Mike was away at a youth conference), and which included a baby and a three year old. So this week, naturally, has been about recovery. :) We've napped, we've read, we've gone to the pool, we've reveled in the quiet. And as per usual after something stressful, I got sick. Head colds in the summer are so uncalled for.

But I wanted to tell you about two things.

One: Mike, Oliver, and I are in the middle of a 30 day sugar and white flour fast. We're not eating any added sugar. No honey, no syrup, no fruit juice, no artificial sweeteners, etc. After the first couple of really bad headaches (although that could have been attributed to minding 8 children), I started to feel fantastic. I have more energy, I am never bloated, and food has never tasted so good. Honestly, Oliver and I ate some strawberries the other day that I swear were the sweetest, most delicious things we'd ever put in our mouths. I'd like to keep this up. I'd like this to be how I eat for the rest of my life (with some special occasion sweets thrown in from time to time, of course). It feels right to me. For the past year or so, I've had some really weird digestion issues, and they have totally cleared up since I removed sugar from my diet. Now I'm not a doctor, obviously, so I'm not saying that giving up sugar has cured me, or anything. But I can tell you that I feel terrific when I eat this way.

Two: If you are a parent, please read Leonard Sax's new book, The Collapse of Parenting. It probably deserves it's own post, but I'll quickly tell you why I feel it is so important. Before I started the book, I felt pretty confident in my ability to parent. I knew I would agree with a lot of what Dr. Sax had to say, and I did. But Mike and I are about to enter a new world in parenting: the high school years, and I felt completely unprepared for them. This book reminded me that the most important things I can teach my children are to have humility and self-control, that family time should be held above all else, that I need to have fun with my kids and help steer their interests, and that it's ok to maintain high standards even if they are unpopular. And to turn of the devices, for goodness sake! I'm not exaggerating when I say that it brought me to tears more than once. It resonated deeply with me, and Mike and I have made some course corrections since we read it.

I hope your summer is going well. Have a happy weekend!

happy weekend

Summer break starts today! Yay! These kids worked really hard this school year, and we are excited to take a break from the hustle of the daily routine. I thought I was definitely going to sleep in this morning, but my eyes popped open at 6:00 on the dot, just like they always do.

I've had two thoughts about summer break and I want to write them down so I hold myself accountable. They are:

I'd like the kids (with my help) to make our big meal each day. During the summer, lunch is our big meal. At the beginning of the week, we'll sit down together and decide what they'd like to make. Everyone will have an assigned day. We will look for a recipe, make a shopping list, and go to the store together. Some of them (Mabel) are very excited about this. Cooking with my kids has never been easy for me, but I think it will be very beneficial, so I am going to try my hardest to be patient. Hopefully they will learn some skills and become a little more comfortable and independent in the kitchen.

Second, I sort of want to throw all of our devices/computer away for the summer. I've learned from my friend Sarah that it's easier that way. I'm not ready to make them disappear completely, but I'd like to lay down some rules about their usage. I'm thinking no access at all during the day, and then a little time in the evening as we wind down. I need to give it a little more thought. Like all kids, if I let them, they'd be glued to them all day. And frankly, I would be, too. We're all in this together, and our brains need time to read or think or imagine. Devices get in the way of that.

But first, I'm watching my four nieces and nephews for a week starting tomorrow, so these things will have to wait. I can only handle so much, you know?

Have a happy long weekend!

Paris: food and scenery

This is my last Paris post, I promise. Thank you for indulging me. It was the trip of a lifetime and I wanted to make sure I documented it for posterity. :)

Breakfast in the Tuileries one pretty morning. I loved all of the manicured gardens. They were so well-kept and organized. Even the neighborhoods we saw from the train to Versailles had perfectly squared trees lining the train tracks.

Breakfast of champions! I think I ate a pain chocolat aux amandes every morning of our trip. We stopped at the bakery Paul near our hotel on our way to our adventures each day and declared the pain chocolat aux amandes to be our favorite pastry. One morning we tried the famed Angelina chocolat chaud. It was like drinking hot, super rich chocolate pudding. Which means it was delicious, but too rich for everyday. I couldn't even finish that teeny cup.

The sun set at about 9pm every night, so in order to see the Eiffel Tower sparkle, we had to pull a late night. Which meant a really late dinner at a small cafe. I ordered a cheese board and Mike had some duck. This was our only traditional french meal, and I'm so glad Mike convinced me to be brave and try a real french cafe. Even though everyone we interacted with during our trip spoke english, I was nervous to do something like this. The food was delicious and I know I'll never eat cheese that good again. 

One afternoon, we waited in line for almost an hour for this guy, Alain, to make us grilled sandwiches. It was worth the wait, and he was a true artist.

Also, look at all that yummy bread!

You really can't beat the scenery in Paris. I've been to lots of places around the world and it is definitely one of the most beautiful. 

I snapped this one on our walk home from church on Sunday. It was a national holiday, so all of the shops were closed. Just a few cafes were open, and since it was the first warm, sunny day in a long time, they were packed with Parisians sipping their coffees, enjoying the sunshine.

The banks of the Seine were popular that day, too. There was a carefree, jolly feeling in the city. We saw lots of families with young children enjoying the day together. And lots of street performers, too. I'm so glad our last day in Paris was such a bright, happy one.

Au revoir Paris!

Paris: the Eiffel Tower and the Champs Elysees

It took us four days of being in Paris to finally see its most famous attractions. Since it was rainy, we took the metro from our hotel to the Arc de Triomphe. I had planned on leisurely walking down the Champs Elysees, but it was so rainy! So we walked quickly and ducked into lots of shops on our way to get out of the rain. 

That night, we saw the Eiffel Tower. I hope whoever decided to make it sparkle on the hour got a big raise, because it was magical. We went back the next day to see it in the daytime, and I have to say that this is the most touristy spot in all of Paris. For good reason, though, there were so many visitors! It is beautiful and stunning and worth walking through the million guys selling mini Eiffel Tower figurines to see it. 

Mike does this thing at famous places where he poses like he's holding it up. He does it everywhere and it makes me laugh every single time. Fifteen years into our marriage and I still think he's the funniest guy in the world. And you can't tell, but I am wearing about 6 layers of clothes. Ha!

Paris: Montmartre and Sacre Coeur

On a cloudy, rainy day, we walked to Montmartre to see the Sacre Coeur Basilica. We followed the walking tour for this area from our guidebook (which I highly recommend). It took us through the quiet streets behind the Basilica and helped us avoid the more "touristy" spots, although we peeked at those spots and they didn't seem that bad. Maybe we were just there on a quiet day.

We saw the artists in the Place du Tertre, and the last little vineyard on the side of the hill. We saw two of the last remaining windmills, and lots of quiet, almost village-like neighborhoods.

And once we got to the top, there was the view!

We sat for a bit on the steps, taking in the scenery and watching the men selling souvenirs quickly gather up their merchandise and act cool when the police drove by.

We exited on the stairs to the east of the Basilica. They were almost deserted, and to my delight, they led us right into the fabric district. There were fabric and notion shops everywhere! If only my junior high French was up to snuff, I might have braved a shop and purchased some fabric. As it was, we peeked in the windows and continued down into the city.

happy weekend

We enjoyed a few breezy, cool nights this week, surely the last until November. So we stayed up past our bedtime and went outside. Only one more week of school until summer vacation, so we're sort of over bedtime at this point, anyway.

My friend posted a link to this article on Facebook, How I Slowed My Family Down. Like, to the Last Century. My favorite quote: "The 1950s era stands out as the golden age of family life. Of course, the real 1950s had polio and segregation and limited air conditioning. I didn't want to go to the REAL 1950s, I wanted to go to the mythological ones: the ones where kids played outside all day on their own and mom had plenty of time to make delicious, wholesome meals for dinner. Mom also had time to read a book, and have coffee with her friends, and cocktails with her husband. Mom did not race from place to place in her car, shouting, 'Just eat your breakfast in the car! You can change into your uniform later! We're late!'"

Ha! The author talks about a summer where she let her boys just play all day. No appointments. No commitments. No activities. This is how we do summer vacation, too. We don't do a thing. Just lots of time at home together in our pajamas being bored. And then some swimming. It's my favorite, and I can't wait for it to start.

Have a good weekend!

Paris: the Flea Market and the Musee D'Orsay

Top on my list of things to do while in Paris was to go to the flea market. I found Jordan's post very helpful, and even printed off her map to bring with us.

It was just what I thought it would be: lots of fancy antiques, and lots of old french junk, too, crammed into little booths on narrow, winding alleys.

To get there, we had to walk through lots of really aggressive hawkers. They weren't rude, exactly, but they were definitely in our face, trying to sell belts or watches or iPhones. This was the most uncomfortable I felt during our entire trip. I kept my backpack hugged to my front and didn't look anyone in the eye. And then we had to walk through lots of swap meet-style tents. Think hats, leather goods, so many sneakers, and general souvenirs. But we persevered and made it to the old stuff.

Everything seemed really expensive. I'm sure they do that because they expect customers to negotiate, but I didn't think my french was good enough to attempt negotiations, so we left empty handed. That's ok, I was there for the experience more than the goods, and it was a really fun experience!

On our way back to the metro, we stopped at the swap meet and bought our kids cheap souvenirs, though. Ha!

The Musee D'Orsay was top on my list, too. We went in the evening, on a night when it is open late. It is so pretty, and so much easier to manage than the Louvre. I grew up with a mother who loves the impressionists, so it was special to see so many paintings from that genre. I'll never get over the fact that I am inches away from the actual canvas that the artist touched. It's pretty incredible. And the view of the city from the clock room was fantastic!

zucchini bread three ways

Last week, my neighbor gave me the world's biggest zucchini, which meant I just had to bake a million loaves of zucchini bread, right?

Right.

Slightly Healthier Zucchini Bread

3 cups of flour (I used mostly whole wheat, with a little all-purpose.)
1 teaspoon of salt
1 teaspoon of baking soda
1 teaspoon of baking powder
3 teaspoons of cinnamon
3 eggs
1 cup of oil (I used what I had on hand: a little bit of coconut oil, a little bit of melted butter, and a little bit of vegetable oil. Other alternatives: applesauce.)
2 1/4 cups of sugar (Or, 2 mashed ripe bananas plus 1 cup of sugar)
3 teaspoons of vanilla
3 cups of shredded zucchini (don't drain or squish the water out)
and some chocolate chips or blueberries or walnuts (Or in my case, all three.)

I doubled the recipe, which made 3 large loaves. Not doubling it would make two regular loaves.

Grease your pans and preheat your oven to 325 degrees.
Sift the dry ingredients. In another bowl, beat the eggs, oil, vanilla, and sugar.
Add the wet to the dry, then stir in the zucchini and chocolate chips/blueberries/nuts.

Bake for 40-60 minutes

My favorite was the walnut loaf, but of course our kids would only eat the chocolate chip one. :)

Paris: Le Marais

Our favorite part of Paris was Le Marais. It is full of teeny, windy roads lined with ancient, charming buildings. It was also home to our favorite creperie.

One day we walked there from the Canal St. Martin, which was very picturesque, as is just about everything in Paris.

We ate falafel in this beautifully well-kept garden more than once. And that tree lined street looks nice, doesn't it?

See what I mean about the teeny, windy streets? Most days were not at all crowded, but once we went on a Sunday, which also happened to be the First of May, a national holiday, and these same streets were mobbed! It somehow managed to still be charming, even with the wall-to-wall crowds.

After trying all the flavors (or almost all of them), I decided that butter + sugar + lemon was my favorite. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a warm crepe right now!

La Place des Voges is a pretty place to rest your weary feet in Le Marais. We found shelter on a bench under the trees to wait out a little rain. Many famous people have lived in this square throughout history, including Victor Hugo. There is a museum in his old house, which we tried to go to because it is free and we are cheap, but they had a special exhibit that day, so it wasn't free and it was also very crowded. So, maybe next time?

chin up

Yesterday was a really great day. We went to church. I felt the spirit. We had a good dinner with our little family. We watched Mabel, Oliver, and Stella perform well at their piano recital. I went to bed super early! But I woke up on this fine Monday morning feeling a little discouraged. Elder Holland's most recent conference address, "The Lord Will Do Wonders Among You," was just what I needed to study.

I'll share my favorite parts here.

He said:

"When there was a controversy in the early Church regarding who was entitled to heaven's blessings and who wasn't, the Lord declared to the Prophet Joseph Smith, 'Verily I say unto you, [the gifts of God] are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep . . . my commandments, and [for them] that seeketh so to do.' Boy, aren't we all thankful for that added provision 'and . . . seeketh so to do'! That has been a lifesaver because sometimes that is all we can offer! We take some solace in the fact that if God were to reward only the perfectly faithful, He wouldn't have much of a distribution list.

Please remember tomorrow, and all the days after that, that the Lord blesses those who want to improve, who accept the need for commandments and try to keep them, who cherish Christlike virtues and strive to the best of their ability to acquire them. If you stumble in that pursuit, so does everyone; the Savior is there to help you keep going. If you fall, summon His strength. Call out like Alma, 'O Jesus, . . . have mercy on me.' He will help you get back up. He will help you repent, repair, fix whatever you have to fix, and keep going. Soon enough you will have the success you seek."

And this:

"Now, with that majestic devotion ringing from heaven as the great constant in our lives, manifested most purely and perfectly in the life, death, and Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, we can escape the consequences of both sin and stupidity--our own or that of others--in whatever form they may come to us in the course of daily living. If we give our heart to God, if we love the Lord Jesus Christ, if we do the best we can to live the gospel, then tomorrow--and ever other day--is ultimately going to be magnificent, even if we don't always recognize it as such. Why? Because our Heavenly Father wants it to be! He wants to bless us. A rewarding, abundant and eternal life is the very object of His merciful plan for His children! It is a plan predicated on the truth 'that all things work together for good to them that love God.' So keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever."

Ok! I think I can do it! I feel better already. :)


Read, watch, or listen to the full talk here. (I suggest watching. Elder Holland always gives such a powerful delivery.)

happy weekend

Mike and I have been hard at work on our front yard this week, trying to give 35 years worth of growth a little style. I've become quite adept at hopping on a shovel to remove grass. I've only fallen once, and it was right when our teenaged neighbor and his friend were leaving for school. Totally not embarrassing. And then I tried to move the wheelbarrow full of grass, but it was too heavy and it tipped over. Luckily, they had driven away by then, but still, #winning. Our goal was to finish before the heat came, but it's supposed to be 105 today, so I think we lost.

We're in the home stretch of the school year. It seems like every night has a baseball game or a concert or a recital or an awards ceremony. Or a dance! Mabel has her eighth grade promotion dance tonight. And the boys will be off at the Fathers and Sons campout, so Stella and I are going to paint the town red. Or maybe just rent a movie. :)

Have a happy weekend!

Paris: Versailles

Our second day in Paris was sunny and bright. We wanted to take advantage of the dry weather, plus it was day two of our two day museum pass (which covers entry into Versailles, its gardens, and the Trianon), so we took the RER C train out of the city, about 45 minutes away to Versailles-Chateau. It's a short walk from the train station to the Chateau.

The Hall of Mirrors was just as impressive as I remembered. We got the audio guide, which was helpful, although we didn't end up listening to all of it. The Chateau was crowded that day, and it was a relief to step out into the gardens where the crowds could spread out a bit.

Mike, fitting in with the rest of the selfie-taking tourists. There were SO many selfie-taking tourists.

My jaw dropped when we stepped outside. It was so beautiful.

The back side.

The view. It really was a gorgeous day. Freezing, but gorgeous.

Our museum pass covered the Grand and Petit Trianon (which I loved but didn't photograph! Think smaller, more feminine, and way less crowded than the palace), as well as Marie Antoinette's Hamlet, so we headed in that direction through this amazing grove of well-pruned trees that seemed to stretch forever.

Mike really missed his calling as a blogger, I think. Just look at that pose!

Marie Antoinette's Hamlet is adorable. It is a stark contrast from the grand Chateau, obviously, which means it is charming and sweet and I was ready to move right in.

Sheep! It felt like we walked a hundred miles that day. I saw people riding bikes through the gardens, which would have been a good way to see it all. Tired feet aside, this was my favorite day of our trip. It was so peaceful and quiet in those gardens. And so beautiful, too.

Paris: Notre Dame and the Louvre

For Christmas, and to celebrate our fifteenth anniversary this year, Mike surprised me with a trip to Paris. What a guy!

As soon as we arrived at the airport, we purchased a museum pass and hopped on the Roissey Bus, which is an easy and inexpensive way to get into the city. It runs from the airport to the Opera, which was extra convenient for us, as that was where our hotel was located. Once at the Opera, we could have taken the metro to a different part of the city, if we'd needed to. We mostly walked while we were there, because how often do you get to walk the beautiful streets of Paris, right? But there were a couple of rainy days where we rode the metro. The metro was easy to navigate (our Streetwise Paris map included a good metro map) and always felt safe.

Our first destination, after a quick nap to revive us from the post red-eye haze, was Pont Neuf and Notre Dame on Ile de la Cite.

I was going to have Mike pose for me, but these cute girls were doing such a great job that I snapped them instead.

Paris is just as pretty as you think it'd be. While the trees were budding and flowers were everywhere, it was cold! I was severely ill-equipped for the weather (one of these days I'll invest in a good coat) and ended up layering almost all of the clothes I brought for the trip everyday. Every Parisian I saw really was wearing a scarf and the women completely lived up to their reputation of being effortlessly chic. It was awe-inspiring, actually. They seemed so comfortable with themselves, and so confident, too. I saw lots of natural faces with bold lips, lots of messy, unbrushed hair, lots of oversized coats, and hardly any blue jeans. Next time I go, I'm only bringing black clothes. :)

After a quick walk-through of Notre Dame, we found a baguette sandwich in the Latin quarter, then walked to the Louvre, which was open late that night. Our museum pass covered our admission and helped us skip the line to purchase tickets.

It goes on forever! There is so much to see, and it could have felt really overwhelming. But we stuck to the highlights (like the Mona Lisa and Winged Victory) and just tried our best to take in the general ambience of being in the world's largest, most beautiful museum.

But after a while, we were beat. Our red-eye flight was catching up with us. We made it back to our hotel (across the street from the Opera) just after dark and promptly crashed into bed.