to hope

One of the greatest blessings of Jesus Christ's atonement for me, is hope. Hope for a brighter tomorrow. Hope for the end of tribulation. Hope for an eternity spent with my family. Hope that someday I can overcome my shortcomings and be the woman I am meant to be. This hope brings me peace and the assurance that in the end, all will be well. I hope you feel that, too.

2015: the year I got rid of the throw pillows

I had this silly realization earlier this month: Just because I have collected lots of throw pillows doesn't mean that I need to use them all. Dumb, right? But I can't tell you how good it felt to put half of them in a closet and close the door. Our whole house feels lighter and cleaner without them.

It made me wonder where else I could simplify. And just like that a resolution was born! This year I want to get down to my bare bones - in my thoughts, in my deeds, and in my things. I want to find out what I really like and stick to it. I mean, could I go for a significant amount of time just wearing my favorite gray tops and jeans? Or could I eat the same thing for breakfast everyday? How about cutting down my obligations to the things that benefit my family the most, and skipping the rest? I think what appeals to me about this idea is that it could possibly free up my mind and my time for things that are more important (so long as I don't become consumed by the process).

According to Mike, vague desires can't actually be called goals until they are measurable, so I have some work yet to do, but I like the way this is shaping up.

Also, it sounds like I might be ready for another go at minimalism.

resolutions

It's not too late to make some New Year's Resolutions! In fact, I think that's what we are going to do for Family Home Evening. Lindsey makes a great Resolution kit every year (which includes a printout for kids) and I am excited to use it tonight with my little family. You can find it (and this pretty photo) here. Thanks Lindsey!

I feel like my head has been stuck in a fog since Christmas. We all came down with a rotten cold and every bit of motivation that I had going in to Christmas break disappeared. Instead of organizing myself and my house and my life to get ready for the new year, I stayed in my pajamas and huddled in front of our space heater.

It felt really good to get the kids off to school this morning and I am ready for a fresh start. I think I'm going to spend the day nailing down my resolutions while I fold the laundry and wash the sheets and pick up the house.

for a morning alone

When I was little, my favorite book to check out from the library was Bear By Himself. It starts, "There are times when a bear has to be alone with himself, to think his own thoughts and sing his own songs. He must pause and enjoy: listening to the quiet, smelling the rain or talking to a river. . . As the evening deepens to darkness, there is his own friendly house to come home to with his books and his toys and his own soft bed. He feels the dark and sleeps -- and dreams."

Well, Elliot went off to preschool this morning. And my parents left for California with my nephew, David. I am alone. It feels good to think my own thoughts and sing my own songs for a little bit. I am thankful for this quiet morning by myself at home.

how to break out of a funk

I've been in a funk all week. I'm completely blaming it on the weather. There is only so much of this darn heat that I can take before I want to curl up into a ball until fall. It has put me majorly out of sorts, and I feel like I've tried everything get over it. I've gone shopping. I've baked cookies. I've taken naps. I've cleaned out my closet. None of those things did the trick. I've been sort of mopey and lacking in motivation for days now. Then I remembered the best way to break out of a funk: physical activity, even when I don't feel like it. Especially when I don't feel like it. Yesterday I scrubbed my floors and mowed the lawn. I went running. I didn't want to do any of those things, but I felt better after I had. And today I went for a swim.

One of my goals this school year, now that Elliot is in preschool a few mornings a week, is to swim. I was a swimmer as a teenager, but that was half of my lifetime ago and I have missed it. Today was the day! I pulled on my swim cap, adjusted my goggles, and took the plunge. I swam for 30 minutes, which might not sound like much, but I'll tell you what, it was enough to turn my arms to jelly. I am having a hard time typing right now, if I'll be honest. But it felt so good to push myself! What I love most about swimming is the silence. It is so quiet (aside from the sound of my desperate gasps for air, of course), allowing me to focus on my thoughts. It's just me and the water. I like to feel my body stretching, propelling myself forward. It is calming and peaceful and invigorating all at the same time and it makes me happy.

Swimming might not be your jam. That's ok. Maybe you like to do yoga, or ride a bike. Sometimes a quick walk around the block is just the thing. But if you are in a funk, I promise that if you do something physical (outside if you can), you'll feel better. I know I do.

a recipe for dry shampoo

Now that my hair is long, I don't like to wash it everyday. And so I am a firm believer in dry shampoo. Are you? I used to use Suave, even though I never liked the smell. But then I noticed that my scalp burned each time after I used it. And my hair was falling out at an alarming rate. That might be totally unrelated, but I decided to stop using it anyway, just in case.

Instead, I mix 1/4 cup of cornstarch with 1 tablespoon of baking soda in an old spice jar. I read that you can add unsweetened cocoa to darken it a bit for brown hair, if you'd like. But here's the trick: before I go to bed, I sprinkle a little on my palms and gently rub my hands together. Then I sweep my hands through my hair, concentrating on my roots. I do this a few times, making sure to hit the areas most prone to grease. Then I brush my hair to distribute the powder. When I wake up in the morning, my hair is fresh and clean, without a trace of the powder, and with a lot more body. I don't know what I would do without it.

headaches and water

It's warming up here in the desert. Blerg. This week has been nice, actually, but last week was much too hot for early April. I noticed I was ending each day with a headache, and I was fairly certain that dehydration was the culprit. Increasing my water intake became my goal. Sometimes you need something new and pretty for motivation, so Elliot and I braved a trip to Target (that of course ended in tears for Elliot, and a few extra things we "needed" in the cart) and bought this cup. It holds 20 ounces of water, and I think I filled it up at least 5 times yesterday. It felt really good.

We still have a few lemons left on our tree, so sometimes I stick a lemon slice in there. I don't know if I believe them all, but here are 11 benefits of drinking lemon water.

coming home

I am reminiscing about my decision to stay home with my children over at Sarah's blog today. I am so glad that Sarah asked me to share my story. It is always in the writing (and sharing) that my beliefs are re-solidified. I have a renewed desire to be present at home, and that feels really right.

Thank you Sarah!

sunday thoughts on a monday afternoon

I had every intention of sitting at the computer first thing this morning and writing down the thoughts that have been swirling in my head since yesterday. But there were dishes to be done and floors to scrub and fittings to do. So here I am, finally, with a few minutes during "nap time" to empty my head onto this page.

I say "nap time" because Elliot is very likely sitting on the stairs right now instead of laying in his bed. We've reached that point, I think, where naps just aren't going to happen much anymore. I suppose I can't blame him. He has given me nearly four good years of daily naps. It had to come to an end eventually. But oh man, I will miss them!


And now, some deep thoughts. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be truly converted. It is one thing to be raised in a religion, and to believe in it because you were taught to believe in it. It is quite another thing to come to know truth for yourself, and then even more - to have a change of heart based on your knowledge of that truth. That is true conversion.

To me, being truly converted means serving others, not because I am supposed to, but because I genuinely want to. It means studying my scriptures, not because I know it is good for me, but because I know that through my studies I can come to know my Savior better. It means leaving worldly things behind and not missing them.

True conversion comes by obedience. Years of obedience to things we know are true leads to that all-important change of heart. And then our desires elevate and our focus becomes more clear and we find ourselves full of joy.

It's a road we all have to travel in this life, at our own pace and in our own time. I am just grateful to be somewhere on the road.

on living a small life

I pulled a lot of weeds on Saturday. A whole season's worth in one go. But I didn't mind, because it was a beautiful day and I had the wisteria blossoms to keep me company, plus it gave me lots of time to think about this life and what I want to accomplish in it. I realized that my goals are actually quite simple. They are mainly: to be content with what I have, and to serve those around me. I think if I could master those two things I would have a lifetime of happiness.

Here's the thing: I want to live a small life. I want to decide to be content with what I have, to turn my focus to my family. I want to work to improve myself, and to not worry about what anyone else is doing. The world will keep on turning and changing and trying to tell me that I need to do or be or have more. I have no control over that. But I do have control over what happens in my living room with my little family. And that's the most important thing anyway.

Some deep thoughts for a Monday, I guess. How was your weekend?

and now you know what I look like without mascara

before :: after

Apparently, I am a very late bloomer. This is evidenced by my adolescent acne at age 34. I'm really not sure why, but my skin has been worse this year than any other. It has been very discouraging.

On a whim, I ordered a two week trial of Paula's Choice Clear. (Thank you Grace Patton for recommending it.) I took a before photo (right after working out, mind you) just in case there were significant improvements. And I think there were! I used to have a big, red, rough breakout spot on my right cheek at all times. It's still a bit red, but it is fading significantly. And the roughness and breakouts are gone. My skin has never been so soft, actually. I live in the dry desert, and have always had dry skin, but I don't have that problem anymore.

I  have been using the products for more than a month now, and I have continued to see fewer red spots. If a blemish does appear, it clears up quickly. Every time I wash my face I am amazed at how much better my skin looks and feels.

I don't want to sound like an infomercial. And I am not in any way affiliated with the Paula's Choice company, I have just been really impressed with their products and thought you might like to know.

*I notice improvement when I cut back on my sugar intake, as well (which sort of kills me a little bit). Just fyi.

my minimal closet

I've realized that I work best when my choices are limited. This is especially true when it comes to my wardrobe. It has taken me years and years to figure out what I like to wear. And the key, I've decided, is only having a few things that I really love to chose from.

Here is the thing. I am a stay-at-home mom who doesn't even leave the house some days. So this is what I need: a few outfits each season that I feel really good in.

This is what I don't need: anything else.

I live in an easy climate, wardrobe-wise. We have two seasons here in Arizona, summer, and not summer. So I've divided my wardrobe in two. The not summer stuff is out right now, and the summer stuff is tucked away in a box on the top shelf. When our days get a bit warmer (probably sooner rather than later), I'll switch things around. Having half of my clothes in storage will make them seem extra exciting and brand new once I make the switch, I think.

I want to invest in good quality clothes. I want them to last from year to year. I want to be deliberate about what I buy. I want to feel really great in everything I own.

And to get me from where I was to where I want to be, I decided to give myself a number limit. I chose 10. So . . . 10 pairs of shoes, 10 workout pieces, 10 sweaters, 10 bottoms for each of our two seasons (some of these overlap), 10 tops for the two seasons (again, some overlap, so there aren't quite 20 total) and 10 church outfits for each season (there is some overlap here as well). That's it. I kept my 10 favorites and donated the rest. I also tossed all of the socks that slip down my heel when I wear them and drive me crazy, and the tank tops that have seen better days, etc. If there was something I was unsure about or having a hard time letting go, I put it in the box with my out of season clothes. I will revisit it in a few months to see if I missed it.

One of the things I like about this idea is that if I am shopping, and I see something that I want to buy, I better love it more than something I already have in my closet, because if I bring something new in, something old has to go out.

I find that the more rules I give myself (like, I only wear certain colors, I only buy tops that don't require layering for modesty, etc.) the easier it is to stick with my limit.

How do you manage your wardrobe? I'd love to hear your ideas.

on mundane tasks

Something I've noticed lately that I don't want to forget: It is when I am doing the most mundane tasks required of me (like vacuuming or folding laundry or putting clean sheets on beds) that I receive the most inspiration. This is when I finally feel the answer I've been seeking, or the confirmation that a decision I've made is correct, or when I think to email a friend. From little things to big, the inspiration comes when my mind is quiet and my hands are busy. It doesn't happen nearly as often if I have music playing, or a show on the iPad, or if I am in front of the computer. I am convinced that multi-tasking kills inspiration dead. It is quiet, steady work that does the trick for me. I want to remember this because those mundane tasks never seem very attractive in the moment. They are usually the last things on my list that I want to do, but they are so important! Not only because they make our home run more smoothly, but because my spirit needs their repetitive, simple nature to feel the stirrings that are so easily lost in the bustle of my everyday.

And a happy New Year, too.

Mike and I spent New Year's Eve dressed in our nautical best at our friends' annual NYE party. This year the theme was "Yacht Party". It was as fun as ever, and we got home just in time to ring in the new year with Mabel and Oliver, who were waiting up for us.

New Year's day found me on the family room floor, sorting legos, which gave me lots (and lots) of time to think about what I want to do differently in this brand new year. I decided that instead of saying that I want to do this, or I want to be better at that, I am taking the "decide what you want to be and go be it" route. So, in 2014, I only eat sugar on the weekends. I read my scriptures everyday. I don't rush bedtime.

And I will remember that every day is a fresh start, a chance to try harder and be better.

Here's to 2014!

on fame and fortune

I've loved this quote for a long time, and when Elder Christofferson referenced it in his talk at General Conference a few weeks ago, it struck me once again.

I think that sometimes in this world, women are praised for all of the wrong reasons. They are congratulated when they are contrary, or when they adopt the attributes of men to get their way. They are celebrated for being popular or for seeking notoriety. Women are taught that to be important, they need to be rude or unkind; they need to be ruthless. Their tenderness, or the quiet, nurturing ways of their divine nature are ignored, or thought old fashioned, when these are the things we should be praising.

This quote reminds me that what I am doing in my home with my little family is what is most important. No fame or fortune or popularity will ever replace the warm feeling I get when I know that I have served my family well.

It is a good reminder for me to try a little harder, to be a little kinder, a little more patient, and to embrace that divine, feminine part of my spirit that the world is trying to swallow up.

nipping it in the bud, hopefully

When it comes to food, I am a firm believer in moderation in all things (except for alcohol and caffeine - those are never ok for me). But I have a hard time moderating my sugar intake. That is probably apparent by the kinds of recipes I post on this blog. Have I ever even posted a recipe for something savory?! Goodness, I don't think so.

Anyway, my hair is falling out, sort of in a major, worry-inducing way. And my skin is the pits. I am tired a lot. Plus some other things that nobody needs to hear about. Something is out of whack in my body. I've felt it for a while now, but it isn't going away like I hoped it would. So it's time to get serious about fixing my diet, because deep down inside I know it's the cause of my problems. I eat too much sugar and that's all there is to it.

The hair loss was the final straw. (I've experienced hair loss before, especially after having my babies, but it was never anything like this. Have you? What did you do about it?) I've decided to give up sugar and white flour for a month (or more, we'll see). I'm going to eat more protein and still lots of vegetables. I've gone off sugar for a week or so before and I noticed a significant increase in my ability to moderate my treat intake afterwards. I hope the same thing is true this time around, plus a much needed balance in my hormones. Once my month is up, I am aiming for treats only on the weekends, and definitely not to excess (moderation, moderation, moderation!). I can't live without baking forever, but I am pretty sure I can do it for a month. Good grief, I will do anything for the sake of this hair that I've spent so long growing out!

I'm hoping changing my diet is the key. I know my doctor would gladly prescribe some sort of hormone balancing drug, but that just doesn't feel right to me at the moment. Does anyone have any experience with this? I'm trying hard to listen to what my body is telling me, and so far, I feel really good about this process.

on blogging/not blogging

Sometimes there's just nothing to blog about, you know? And that's ok. Blogging is pretty silly most of the time anyway.

(But! Silliness aside, I am thankful for my blog. I love that I have a record of the last 9 years of my life here on this page - and most of the treats I've made, too! I used to feel bad that I wasn't writing in my journal anymore, but I've let that go. Blogging is a blessing, I am sure of it. It has helped me remember things that I otherwise would have long forgotten. It clarifies ideas and beliefs that I hold dear but probably wouldn't have recognized, let alone put down in writing. I believe blogging has made me a better wife and mother. When I say here that I do something, I better be sure that I am really doing it! It keeps me accountable, even if only to myself. That's the thing about blogging. You have to do it for yourself, I think. It doesn't matter if a million people read your blog or only one, the audience shouldn't change the content. The fact that anyone besides my grandmother even reads this blog is somewhat shocking. But I am glad you are here! I've met some pretty great people through my blog, and that is something I'll always be grateful for.)

Elliot and I have been doing a lot of hugging lately. We read books or play flow on my phone. We brave the still-too-warm sun and go to the park. We clean the house and get the mail. And yesterday we even organized the sewing room. These are the details of my life at the moment, and as mundane and unblogworthy as they seem, I know someday I'll look back on these days wistfully and I'll be glad I wrote them down.

Do you like to blog? I'd love to hear why.

a birthday and a cake

Yesterday was my birthday. I almost didn't make myself a cake. I almost let myself be mopey. Sometimes birthdays make me grumpy. Instead, I bought myself some presents and made Mike take me out to lunch. (We had the most delicious tacos here.) While Elliot napped, I baked this cake. And yesterday ended up being pretty fantastic after all. A lot of that had to do with all of the sweet notes that were left on my instagram account. Man alive, thank you, friends! I had a permanent smile on my face all day long.

But yes, the cake. Bake one immediately, please. It is the pumpkin cake of your dreams. (I brought out my latent math skills and only made one squat little layer instead of three. One was just the right amount for our little family of 6. I didn't want to have to face any leftovers this morning, as I surely would have eaten them for breakfast and regretted it immediately.)

Anything under 100 degrees will do.

Yesterday I was feeling out of sorts. But I had an Anthropologie coupon burning a hole in my pocket and a free morning, so Elliot and I headed there first thing to see about spending it. I tried on e v e r y t h i n g in the store. Nothing felt right. We went home empty handed. Blah.

I spent the afternoon cleaning out my closet. Because that's what I do when I feel out of sorts. Don't you? In the midst of the cleaning I realized something. It's not that I don't have things to wear. It's that it is too hot outside to wear any of them! Ah! I need a change of season and I need it bad.

It's the only kind of change that I can really get behind.

I'm hoping for cooler temperatures this weekend. How about you?

on change

I have a hard time with change. Goodness, don't we all?

I remember when I was pregnant with Elliot, Mike changed all of the lightbulbs in our house to the energy efficient coil kind and I almost cried. The light was different and I couldn't come to terms with it.

Last week, we chopped down a tree in our front yard. 30 years of growth disappeared in less than 3 minutes at the hands of a rowdy chain saw. My grief completely caught me off guard. As soon as the tree was gone, I missed it and felt like we had made a huge mistake. Who cuts down a mature shade tree in the middle of summer in this blasted desert?! The worst part was that our pretty wisteria that thrived in the shade of that tree started to dwindle. I have pruned it and given it a few deep soaks, but I am left hoping for the best.

The thing is, our yard will be better off without that tree. Our house is so much brighter inside with it gone. Our basement bedrooms don't even feel like they are in the basement anymore! But those good things might mean the end of my beloved wisteria. And I have to be ok with that.

pinned, but the originating link is missing

That's the trick, right? Focusing our energy on building the new, instead of lamenting the old. I might need this pinned to my shirt for a bit. Or for the rest of my life. Is this something that ever becomes easy?


p.s. We kept our other humongous pecan tree, so we aren't totally nuts.