for parents

Sometimes the responsibility of parenting these children feels really heavy and I wonder if I am teaching them everything they need to know. Well, on Friday night, Mike and I attended a special meeting just for parents, held here in the Phoenix Metropolitan area. Elder Ballard and Elder Rasband were in attendance, as well as other general authorities from our church. It was a casual, candid setting and I really enjoyed learning from these men. I promised to share my notes here. I hope you find them as helpful as I did.

On overcoming spiritual apathy: Elder Ballard suggested making prayer, scripture study, family home evening, and family councils a priority. Never allow our love for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to be secondary to other things. Don't give ourselves or our children time to become apathetic. Be anxiously engaged in the gospel together.

On social media: Elder Rasband said that we need to strategize. We need to be prayerful and come up with a plan to protect our children from the negative effects of social media. We need to create an environment where our children can come to us with questions. As we answer their questions, we should try to use the Savior's words. We need to set boundaries together on internet/social media use as a family council.

Elder Robbins talked about how unfortunately our children sometimes seek their self worth in the internet. They compare themselves to the perfection they see portrayed there and can feel diminished. He says youth are looking for their identity on the internet, so point them toward family history work. This will help them find their true identity. The more time they spend on the internet, the lower their self worth will be. As parents, we need to help them to not be idle, and to retire early and arise early. Revelation comes best in the early morning hours. Also, Heavenly Father often publicly praised His Son. How often do we do that? We need to catch our children doing good and praise them for it. If we observe them, we can give them a true reflection of who they really are. Make a conscious effort to notice the good. We are their best mirror and can help them recognize their worth. Also, use For the Strength of Youth to plan family home evening lessons.

On pornography: Elder Costa made four good points. 1- Assume they have been exposed to it already. 2- Hold frequent father interviews. Guided by the spirit, ask questions to determine if it is a pattern or just a single incident. 3- Turn on our devices only once our intention is clear. Once you have accomplished your purpose, turn them off again. Don't idly scroll. 4- Have hope. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, anything can be overcome, including pornography.

On preparing for missions: Elder Ballard had some great advice. He said preparation should start early. Make sure our children know our expectations. Know your child's friends. Help them get a job and earn some money so that they know how to work. Help them be responsible for their own things. Teach them to pick up after themselves. Help them to read the Book of Mormon on their own and gain a testimony of it. Sit with your children and have them bear their testimony of Jesus Christ to you. If they can't, or aren't sure of His role in their life, help them to learn about Him. Read Preach My Gospel together. Teach them the value of one soul. Help them to understand what Christ did in Gethsemane for each of us.

I don't remember who said this, but we need to respect our child's agency. We teach them the doctrine, but we have to leave them at the crossroads of decision, trusting that the Holy Ghost will guide them and that they will listen.

happy weekend

How in the world is it Friday already?! This is one of those weeks where the days really flew by, which makes the weekend even more exciting, doesn't it? We are all ready for a break.

Tonight Mike and I get to go to a large, regional meeting at church for parents of teenagers. And then tomorrow night I get to bring my class of 14-16 year old girls to another meeting just for the teens. I will take copious notes and share them next week. I am really looking forward to hearing the wisdom from some leaders in our church on the issues parents of teens face these days. I think it's going to be good.

I talked about this on instagram the other day, but I'll share it here, too. Elliot's reading has really improved since we started taking turns reading the scriptures out loud during dinner. I used to read the scriptures to the kids in the morning while they ate their breakfast, and that worked fine. But this school year our schedules have changed and dinner time reading is a better fit for our family. We keep a set of inexpensive scriptures on a cake stand in the middle of our table at all times, so they are easily accessible and easily replaceable, since we pass them around while we are eating and greasy fingers are inevitable. It is a nice break from the evening rush.

I'm in a major dinner rut. We've been eating too many potatoes and eggs at our house lately. What is your go-to dinner recipe? I'd love to try something new.

I hope the sun is shining wherever you are this weekend!

california, last week

A quick California recap, instagram style.

Leslie flew into my town and then drove with me to California to see my other sister, Julianne, who was visiting with her kids (including brand new darling Helena). The three of us span the distance of the United States and it's not very often that we are all together.

There is just something about the ocean breeze and the sound of the waves pounding the sand. I don't get to the beach nearly often enough, and it felt so good. Especially because I was there with my sisters and my mom!

I have two brothers still in Southern California. Lincoln is a dentist. Elliot and Lincoln's son, David, are best buddies. And Stella and cousin Sadie pick up right where they left off every single time. Cousin friends are the best kinds of friends.

My other Southern California brother is Matt, of Album Surf. We visited his shop in San Clemente and loaded up on Album stickers (which now cover everything in my house) and Album shirts and baby Helena smiles, too.

We spent a really nice morning with my grandparents, who live in Orange. I grew up just a minute away from them and their house still feels like home.

And of course, Ruby's! My cute sister-in-law, Mimi, snapped this photo of our crew. Fun times. Yummy veggie burgers.

Can't wait to go back.

recommitted

I've heard this quote from Marion G. Romney lots of times, but our stake president reminded me of it yesterday during our ward conference and I wanted to share it here: "I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity --the pure love of Christ-- will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness."

There are so many really wonderful promises in that little paragraph. We try to read the Book of Mormon together as a family during dinner, but hearing this quote again yesterday made me want to make sure we don't miss a night. I want the blessings that Elder Romney promised for my family, and I know that we can have them if we are faithful and diligent in our reading.

Something else that I loved that Elder Romney said in his talk: "If we would avoid adopting the evils of the world, we must pursue a course which will daily feed our minds with and call them back to the things of the Spirit. I know of no better way to do this than by daily reading the Book of Mormon."

I have read the Book of Mormon lots of times in my life, but I have really grown to love it the past few years (not coincidentally because I've made studying it, not just reading it, a higher priority in my life). I find answers to my questions on how to parent my children, how to love my neighbor, and how to follow Jesus Christ in its pages. I find strength to stay true to my religion, and most of all, I find peace.

I'd love to share a copy of it with you, if you'd like. Email me at barefootstephanie@gmail.com and I'll pop one in the mail to you!

happy weekend

Happy weekend, indeed! My kids and I had a really fun trip to California this week, but we are happy to be back at home with Mike. We have nothing at all planned for the next few days except sushi with friends and a whole lot of laundry and homework catch-up. It sounds really nice, actually.

If you read anything on the internet today, I hope it is this: In Defense of the Ordinary. And then have your kids read it, too.

A few excerpts: "Why isn't it enough to just be a kind person? Why can't we spend our time doing service hours because we love the Savior, not because we are trying to achieve the perfect college essay? Why can't we choose an extra-curricular or a class because we want to try it, not because it's going to help us reach some high goal or prove our worth? Not everyone is going to be the best at everything. In fact, very VERY few of us will be the best at anything. And that's ok.

"We are special because we are HIS. We are worthy because we were born. That is all that matters. And yes, that may make us average, in the sense that everyone qualifies for such a designation, but since when was that not enough?

"We should all strive for greatness, but we should expand its meaning and do it for ourselves, not society's expectations. It's about who we want to become, not who we want people to think we are. And it should be rooted in God's desires for us."

YES! Yes! Yes. I love this and I want my children to know it. Being kind and being good at loving others are far superior to maintaining a 4.0 GPA.

It's supposed to be rainy here this weekend. I always feel like baking when it's rainy. I made these whole wheat carrot muffins yesterday for the kids' afternoon snack. We are trying to get back to some good habits after our vacation and they really hit the spot.

Have a good weekend!

happy weekend

We have the eleven o'clock time slot at church this year, which makes walking to church much more appealing than the eight thirty slot. Plus the weather has been really fantastic. I love January. I hope it never ends.

Here's something exciting: Dandee is back to blogging! I have loved her blog for years and I am so happy that she is writing there again. I know blogging isn't as popular as it once was, but I will love it forever and ever.

I keep thinking I am going to get back on my no added sugar routine, but I have had the hardest time since the new year started. But! Every day is a new day and a fresh start and maybe today is the day. (But it's probably not.)

I've been working on lots of sewing projects lately, which means I have been watching quite a few shows. I made it through all of the seasons of the Great British Sewing Bee, and now I'm half way through Victoria. Great Britain makes the best tv. That's all there is to it.

Something I'm looking forward to this weekend: My sister is flying in to town and then we're driving to California together to see our other sister who is visiting there for a few days. Hooray!

I hope you have a fun weekend!

glasses! and contacts, too!

Right before Christmas, Stella started complaining that she couldn't see things far away very clearly. Funny thing: I had just bought her some little fake glasses to put in her stocking. But it turns out that she needed the real thing! After an eye exam, we ordered a home try on kit from Jonas Paul Eyewear (just like Warby Parker but for kids) and loved the Maddie. We placed our order, and just a few days later, her glasses were here! She was so excited to wear them to school, and to be able to see the chalkboard again.

Another funny thing: as excited as Stella was to get glasses, Mabel was just as excited to stop wearing hers. All she wanted for Christmas were contacts. :)

a five dollar solution

A couple of weeks ago, I realized that I had slipped back into the habit of looking at my phone right before I fell asleep at night and again as soon as I woke up the next morning. Instead of connecting with Mike or focusing on my prayers or thinking about the day ahead of me, I was scrolling through instagram. I didn't like the way that made me feel. So I picked up a little alarm clock at the store and I've started leaving my phone in the kitchen when I head to bed. It is a small thing, but it's made such a difference.

happy weekend

We spent last weekend in the mountains, just a couple of hours away, where there was a little bit of snow. It was so beautiful! We were severely underdressed, of course, but it sure was pretty. When I look out my window today at home, the sun is shining and warm, the grass is green, and the leaves are finally falling off all of the trees. Winter in Arizona is a little backwards, but it's my favorite.

I've been trying to think of small changes I can make, shifts in my habits, to help me accomplish my new year's resolution. I've been seeking inspiration in lots of places, and found some in this little video. My favorite part is when Josh talked about how any time spent with family can be quality time. Even if we are doing something mundane or small, we can do it together. Usually, I want to get my work done and move on to something else, but involving my kids can be a sweet experience. I need to remember that. And complimenting! Josh had lots of good advice on how to compliment our children. It is so important and sometimes it can feel a little awkward for me. I definitely need to work on that.

I like the idea of having one big, broad resolution for the year, but then finding small ways that I can accomplish it every day. This is new for me and it just feels right this year.

Today I have spent the morning puttering, and new year puttering is the best. I see my home with fresh eyes. Piles that have been languishing for months finally get put away. Furniture gets rearranged. Drawers get cleared. It feels really great.

Is it snowy and cold where you are? Or sunny and bright? Whatever the weather, I hope you have a happy weekend.

a new year

This is one of my favorite quotes from Jane Austen, and is excellent advice when contemplating a New Year's resolution, I've decided. This past week found me laid up with a cold, meaning I had lots of time to listen to the guide inside of myself as I thought about what I needed to work on this year. I believe we all have that guide, a conscience, or what my church refers to as "the Light of Christ," or if we have been baptized, "the Holy Ghost" inside of us. If we pay attention, it will tell us what is right or wrong or what we need to improve upon.

All of this reminds me of a great general conference talk, "What Lack I yet?" A perfect read as we begin this fresh, new year, it teaches that small changes in our attitude or habits can help us become more like our Heavenly Father. And really, all it takes are small, manageable changes, a little at a time. In his talk, Elder Lawrence said, "The Holy Ghost doesn't tell us to improve everything at once. If He did, we would become discouraged and give up. The Spirit works with us at our own speed, one step at a time, or as the Lord has taught, 'line upon line, precept upon precept. . .'"

I'm not going to share my resolution here, at least not just yet. I am still mulling it over, thinking and listening hard as I figure out how to proceed.

Have you determined your goals? Do you have a plan? Have you listened to your guide and felt impressed to improve in one area or another? I hope so and I wish you lots of luck!